Always ALWAYS Double Check!

A local restaurant in my town has just opened its doors.  Its very very new. And, I'm not quite sure how well it will do for business. They are hiring for a new chef.... here is a snippet of their advertisement:


(please note that they are a Japanese / Australian Cuisine restaurant)

             To be successful for this role you must have;

             A minimum of 2 - 3 years experience at Sous Chef level

            Creative flair and a passion for food.

            Excellent communication skill (necessary to peak Japanese or Korean)

             Relevant trade qualifications.

             Proven experience in Japanese cuisine (sushi and hot food), desert as well

             Ability to excel under pressure

 

Did you pick up on any mistakes?

Here is what I found:

communication skills are required so that you may PEAK Japanese or Korean... yeah, I never thought to write something like that on my resume... stooopid ol me.. I can SPEAK another language.. but damn it if i didnt pass PEAK.  Im sorry, but thats too funny of any error in the communication skills required.  

And, did you catch that another requirement for this position is that you must have proven experience in  "a region so arid because of little rainfall that it supports only sparse and widely spaced vegetation or no vegetation at all"... I mean that is the desert afterall.. so if you have great wildlife skills and can survive on nothing at all.. please apply!

 

Oh, I think Im about to pee my pants with laughter.  

 

If you dont believe this is a real add.. check out this link:  http://www.seek.com.au/job/chef/sunshine-coast/18005753/34/1/ 

Dating duh’s

So Guysmiley (not his real name) sends me a kiss on the internet dating deal… he has included the message that he thought he would be brave and say hello.

Guysmiley appears to be nice enough on his profile. No attraction, but could be nice to have a chat with. Maybe. Just not that into him. And thats okay. Theres heaps on the damn site that Im not ‘in to’ and I shouldnt feel bad about that. Right?

What does give me some weird feelings is this: Guysmiley is 47.. yep thats right 4-7 or FORTY SEVEN or FOUR times TEN and add SEVEN.

Im only 35. Now, you may not think thats a huge add difference of 12 years, people date someone who is 12 years older or younger. But wait… theres more.

HIS KID IS 27 years old. Which means Im closer to his kids age than his age. Ewwww. Ick. And one of my good friends is only 2 years older than his kid.  EEEEWWWWW. ick….. too much for me!

And while i would probably get on with his kid.. im not sure that at my age I really want a man who has a sex drive of a grape. Not that I know from experience, but from all the data… I certainly dont want to know either. Not yet anyway.

So, I politely declined his advances.  Good luck Guysmiley.  Word of Advice:  Go for someone SOMEWHAT near your age….. please.

Little Chatterbox ?

I checked my emails just before, and was told that I had received a notification from that internet dating site that someone has contacted me.  So, I venture to see who the latest man is... wondering if hes ANYWHERE near my age group (I seem to have the random 50+ guys who want to 'see if Im interested'... seriously, even 1 man at that age for me creeps me out).

And.. the guy is not near me, outside of my distance that Im willing to go, and Im not really all that interested in his profile anyway. Starters? Starters is this: dont send me a bloody 'like to get to know you' shit and then not include your password to your photo.  IF by some chance you sent the notification before realizing you included a password, send it again.. immediately. Why? Well, cuz otherwise you just come across as a creepy guy who just wants to perve on us woman. A Faceless Perve.

Anyway, back to situation at hand: this guy selects that his occupation is sales & MARKETING... yippee... love marketing.. and if your in marketing.. you can sell YOURSELF better than anything.

So this is what his profile reads:

I am not rich not smart not even best looking
However I am loyal, reliable and available. 

Thats IT! Seriously.. thats all he has written.. and there is a maximum limit of something like 1500 words.. and he has 2 sentences.. ?????

So, as  far as I can gather, hes not into Sales or Marketing... and a loser. Okay, well, not for me. And I can find all those men on my own... without help, thanks.

One of those thangs

 

I was to have a written exam tonight for a possible job which I was shortlisted for.  I had my option of either last night or tonight, and due to other commitments, I decided tonight would be better.  So, I send off the email with the times I am available tonight for this exam. And wait.

I have just checked my emails and have received an email from the prospective company.  They have decided to change the position and have the person live in the capital city nearest me. Which is, about 2 hours away. Doesnt sound bad you say? Well, aside from not WANTING  to move, and all the expenses which can be incurred in a move, it just wasnt viable for me to consider I guess.

Damn it. Oh well. It was nice to know that I got shortlisted for the company anyway.

At the moment my cousin is in Germany doing his hockey thing, playing against some elite hockey players of Austria & Germany... what an amazing experience for him, and to be honest, I am such a proud cousin right now. I feel as (what I would imagine anyway) when you child reaches the monumentus occasion of all the things - that proud and elated feeling of wonderment for him! Love ya cuz.. kick some ass!

Things are well, for the most part.  They should be anyway.  So why then do I feel so melancholy tonight?

I have been shortlisted for a  job I applied for. Lets hope its more money. But if its not more money, would I still take it? Could it be less stressful? And, if it is, would it be worth less money to actually enjoy a job and have less stress in my life? Can I afford less money? What if its more money?????

I have finally met the guy who I have been chatting to for a month. Everything there seems to be very good. He seems to have decent outlook on life, seems to hold a converation well, and can speak about educated topics as well. Plus side? Hes gorgeous. He has amazing eyes. Although its a bit freakish to admit, but I could just get lost in his eyes. There seems to be a connection there, but only time will really tell I guess.

My home... I keep trying to dip into those projects.. you know.. the box that needs to be sorted, the junk drawer that somehow keeps getting filled with junk AGAIN, designing some sort of better work space for my computer area.. blah blah blah.. then I still have all the other shit.. floors, laundry, dishes.. how the heck can 1 person make this place so untidy sometimes? Sometimes I can almost convince myself that the cat is busy creating the chaos when Im working. Work. ugh. oh, sorry... I had everything all fantastic the other day.. it all looked wonderful, then I realize that after I did MORE stuff.. it wasnt as kept & tidy as just a few hours before. The lesson here, is only do a bit.. I dont need to conquer the entire list for the day. Right?

Its cold outside. Yet, last night it was lovely. Tonight, its a bit chilly. My knees are starting to need another treatment again. This cold weather isnt helping. Damnit, Im from Minnesota... I can and SHOULD be able to hand THIS cold weather. Am I feeling some sort of loss there? Like I have lost some of my Minn-e-soo-tah ways? Surely that cant right, can it? How can I lose what is me? Or can I?

I dont know, I feel as if Im babbling. And Im not making sense. Life is good. It really is.

Nothing Compares 2 U

Do you remember the song 'Nothing Compares 2 U' ? It was written by Prince (or well, he use to call himself Prince at THAT time.. but Sinead O'Connor sang it. I use to belt my lungs out to it, thinking of one boy in particular. Obviously, that didnt work out for me.. did it?

Anyway, there was all this talk that Ms. O'Connor was a lesbian.  Than she wasnt, then she was.. you get the jizz of it.. yeah?  Well, apparently.... shes not (anymore) cuz Nothing Compares 2 U... as above... Yikes, shes really changed! Totally different from that skinny shaved headed girl seen here:

 I never, I mean NEVER in my life would have imagined the picture of "nothing compares 2 U"... to be with him. Just didnt think it. But then again, Love Comes In All Forms.

Okay, Im 35 now. And so far things have gone pretty damn good.  And while walking thru the carpark to insanely dirty car, I realized these reasons must be why:

Since the monday of my birthday week and up to today, I have:

• ticked the birth control for another 3 months of safety.. I mean as if NOT getting laid wasn’t safety enough, my mother told me you can NEVER be too safe
• visited the Italian Stallion, aka Physio Man for another session
• tackled the Needle Nut, aka Acupuncture Guru for another session
• endured a good belly laugh & back adjustment with the Chiro
• did the yearly (ok, it was a bit longer than that) eye exam
• purchased some green drink stuff'; Im not a veggie girl so I know Im not getting my greens
• bought some Apple Juice to help the green drink stuff go down

The way I figure is this: the eyes, neck, back, knees & snatch are all taken care of. Seriously, can I get anymore well-adjusted going in to being 35! I must say, I am almost impressed with myself.

So out of touch

I sometimes forget how much I have secluded myself from others. It hasnt been a bad thing, and certainly isnt in an unhealthy way. But, I have secluded myself from people who have a high drama content. I also know that I pull back from people when they have too much created chaos in their lives.  Dont get me wrong, when my friends or family are in need, Im probably the first one on the doorstep waiting to be there and help.  However, when a person in my life starts dribbling about problem A, problem B, problem C…and so on.. and then you start to piece that A+B+C= their own doing from decisions or actions (or lack of actions).. you start to lose some sympathy points.

For many MANY years now, I have tried to eliminate a good chunk of drama out of my life. The created chaos drama. Its not good, healthy or productive.

GIVE WAY!

Every now and then, some drama creeps in.. thats just life. Yet, some days I open my ears and all I hear around me is DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA. 

Fuck people, you cant be mad at me if you dont change shit in your life and I have no sympathy for the 100th time that you have told me your ‘issue’.  The reality is your ‘issue’ is the result of your own actions.  You LOVE the drama in your life. I however, have had my fill from years past, and can not do it anymore.

So.. drama & you can fuck off and take a vacation from me. I cant hear anymore of it.  If you cant figure out why your life sucks… how about taking a really good look at it and trying to sort it, for once.  Yeah, that would be helpful.

Ewwwww…..

Im doing the internet dating thing, y’all know that.  But, I have had it, I have reached my limit…. today, some guy who is 47 sends me a kiss and wants to get to know me. Remember, Im only 35… and hes 47… now, at first that may not sound like a huge difference.. but his eldest daughter is 27…. WTF?

Yuck. Yuck. Triple Yuck.

And, this isnt the first time that old creepy men have contacted me.  I have had them up to 54 years old, be interested. 

Now, its great that you think so highly of yourself. Or that your young enough at heart that a 35 year old would be interested. Or that you could “provide” for me. Or whatever… your beer belly balding ass who scratches himself regularly and all that jazz.. whatever your reasons are… please remember that although you think your hot stuff, and you think I should be oh so honored to date you… please think of my mother.. who is only 55 damn years old…. do you think thats still okay? The fact that your age is closer to my moms than to mine?  I dont. I think that just screams EWWWWWWW icky creepy old nasty spoiled milk smelling man.  ICK.

Thanks for the kiss.. but so not flattered.

Odd feeling

I found out today that one of my ex boyfriends has 4 kids.. to 3 different mamas. I dont really care, but holy begeezish... I was a bit taken aback by the news... then I find out another had a kid to that little tanned whorebag I hate so much. Well, I dont know if HE did or his brother did, because years ago I heard thru the grapevine that she was doing his brother as well. See.. whorebag. So, now, just for curiousity sake.. Im really wanting to know is it HIS or his brothers? Why? No reason. Doesnt impact me at all. But I saw a photo of the kid, and can not draw my own conclusion. Seriously, how do you sleep with a guy for years and not be able to recognize his (possible) kids photo? Sad isnt it? Oh well. Like I said, I dont really care, but I would love to have that bit of juicy news.

It seems everyone is having all these damn kids. And thats cool. If you want them. But, Im hoping that they grew up and became responsible people who can raise GOOD INTELLIGENT DECENT HUMAN BEINGS.... and thats probably not the case. After all whorebag is a nutjob with 5.. yep count them 5 kids... and to at least 3 different daddies... and one ex is has 2 kids with 2 different mamas, and then there is the other ex ... ah.. you get the point. The funny thing is... Im so not jealous, but a little bit sad for them. None of them seem to really be doing anything in life, except for a few, the biggest mission is staying out of jail. Yippee for your adult ass. Seriously, instead of making babies, how about you try to survive the world we live in, and once you can handle that... then THINK about bringing others into the world.

Ugh. Sometimes its all I can do to not reach thru the computer and slap my friends.

Turning Points in Life

I had a birthday this week. Had a lovely bday, filled with a massive amount of well wishes & loving thoughts.

A few people were teasing me saying that Im gettin so much closer to the big 4-0… 40. who cares. Im 35 by the way, and to me, 40 is still 5 years away.. no need to worry about that one just yet.

Im loving being 35. I have great friends & family who are all very special to me. And, for the first year in a long time of milestones, Im not worrying constantly about my residency. As I now have that little stamp in my passport, its less to worry about and no longer putting strain on my life like it did for so many years.  So, why wouldnt turning 35 be good? Seriously.

I have also been really happy with the results of my physio from the Italian Stallion, as well as Needle Nut, aka acupuncture.  The two really know what to do. My legs feel fantastic (well, in comparison to the past) and I firmly believe that I am well on the way to a great recovery from this knee issue. Thank goodness I didnt sign up for that surgery, right? Yippee!

I had a fantastic cake this year:

Isnt it adorable? And it tasted really yummy as well! Thanks mom!

I wont get all mushy on you guys, but life is good. Im 35, and loving it.

Bounce

I went out to eat Indian the other night with a friend. Partly, it was a nice way to toast goodbye to one of the internet boys… he was Indian. Nothing against Indians, but it was my sick twisted humor in going to eat Indian and secretly toasting goodbye to him… in style.

Upon coming home, I could feel my stomach start to explode. It was so full of air, it felt like I had grown a soccer ball within 10 minutes.  Gas. Lovely.  And goodness.. .they were not good smelling ones either! I would fart and have to walk away from the nastiness.

I make it to bed, laying in the fetal position holding my gassy tummy. Oh it hurt so bad. And it felt like no matter how much I would fart, it wouldnt be any better any time soon.

I toss & turn. Convinced Im ready to die.  I finally lay on my back and get as comfy as I think I possibly can get in this pain.

And I let a ripper of a fart go. I knew it would be best to grab the blanket  and wave it up and down to let the smell go from the sheets (as if you havent done that before, come on..) but I decide it probably smells too nasty to do that. So I just laid there…knowing what lurked under the sheets.

All of a sudden, Little Miss (who sometimes get called Tigger cuz she bounces all over the place when shes busy) jumps on the bed in such a spot that the damn doona waves and lets the nasty smell out… right to me…..

Lesson? Just air out the sheets..you just never know who is going to come bouncing on your bed, and then its just 3 times as bad…. seriously.

Little Miss… gotta love her!

What a fork of a day to be had!

I would really enjoy a sneak peak into this book!

Although, Im a bit concerned about the ‘plate licking’ & ‘crowd pleasing’  comments, as usually anything on the invite that says those 2 bits usually scares me.

Of course, if ANY of you have a copy.. I would give you my neighbors for a look at the book!

Frightening

On a popular networking site, I often see random photos of strangers. Why? Cuz Im bored.

Im amazed at how many people just let their photos be public for all to see. Personally, mine are private, so you have to be my friend in order to see them. But, not everyone does such things.

Enter me & boredom. Im sure Im not the only one who looks at strangers photos. For instance, when you go to find your long lost friend and you have to stumble through 32 names because its been that long since you last heard anything of your lost friend, that you have no clue where she might work or live. So, you see little ‘thumbnails’ of 32 people who MAY or MAY not be long lost friend.  And, if your bored or wanting to escape the hell of work for a few minutes, you click on some profiles, and then enter PHOTOS.  Amazing what people put up in the photo section. AMAZING.

However, today I stumble upon a ex boyfriend. And, while I cringe at the thought of his wirey redhead hairy self, I found his photo of he & his wife. Its ugly. er cute I mean. 2 lovebirds.  Nah, its still ugly. I almost vomit that I slept his redhead self. Ick. Ick.

Got me thinking tho… I have stumbled upon a lot of profiles which have photos of only Mr & Mrs in a photo together. No photos of themselves, just the 2 of them. As if almost joined at the hips, forever in the shackles of ‘love’ or jealousy – its a fine line.

I dont know, just seems so many people have these photos of them & hunnylover .. as if the whole world will tilt the wrong way if they had their own identity.. er I mean photo.

Eh gads.. not your own photo?

This card grabbed at my heart for oh so many reasons. In your most desolate times of life, you can almost feel the truth in another person. So many lives going parallel together, on the same spiral, learning similar things in life – about life – escaping life.

 

When you stare at yourself in the mirror analysing every inch of your face & body while experiencing the moments of meth, its amazing how truthful you can become with yourself.

Some experiences teach you more than you can imagine. Im so thankful for those days when I look back and see the close calls I put on my own life (and others) that I survived it all. I appreciate that I didnt die all those years ago.  I appreciate the lessons I learned in life all those years ago.

 

(Postcard from : www.postsecret.com)

Dating Dramas

After some much needed thinking on my ‘situation’ of the 2 prospects in my life at the moment.. I finally came to a decision.

Here where some highlights of what helped me come to my recent decision-

• although its nice to hear from a guy, hearing from them 4 or 5 times a day when your just getting to know them is a bit much
• when a guy is SO in to you that he keeps complimenting how gorgeous you are, how much he loves your smile, and then looks at your photo every day, you almost want to report him to the police for some sort of stalker personality trait
• while speaking to someone and they keep saying ‘what else?’ after you have a conversation.. and you reply with ‘what else, what?’ you know its not going good.  Nothing shits me more than somebody who just wants you to ramble on and then has nothing to contribute to the conversation other than ‘what else’
• informing me of his work schedule for the next few days to let me know that he will have a difficult time ringing me, but he will try on his break. Dude… YOU DONT HAVE TO CALL ME EVERY BLOODY DAY. Its okay to have a day or two in between your ‘what else?’ thoughts
• when you ask a guy about his ex and his kid.. and he responds to your answer, then follow ups and says.. “how about you?”  and the only response you can give to that, is …. ‘i dont have an ex or a kid.. remember that being on my profile?’ you know the whole thing is doomed.

What else?  hahahaha

So, I let him go. I told him the distance was too far to actually give any proper dedication to anything. He insisted we should still meet. He also told me it was good to be able to be honest with each other, its very important for a relationship, honesty.

After another 4 explanations of my time schedule (lets be honest, if I didnt have all these red flags and notable irritations it may have been a different story and MAY have been willing to meet) BUT … I say it again to him.  He tells me he is listening.  Right… ?

My response to his “ I am listening” is simply this: “I should hope so.”  It was then that I wanted to just hang up. 

Eventually, he threw me a bone. He told me that he wished me well, and although he wanted to meet and have some fun and see where a relationship could go, he wanted me to have a good life.  Cool. Told him to have a good night, to which he responded with a very stern, “GOOD NIGHT” and then hung up.

Eh.. men. Strange. 

Drops of Color

If I wish it.. do they appear?

So I was craving a bowl of cereal for dinner tonight.. and as I was standing in front of what would be a selection of MAYBE 30 different cereals… I realize that the one Im craving isnt there.

So, I figure… go with option 2. Next cereal craving.

 

I look over the selection about 10 times before realizing that I must look like one of those ‘special adults’ just staring at the selection of cereals. It was almost as I took a mini nap. I starred. I hunted. I read every box. Twice.

 

Nothing.

 

You know why? I was wanting THESE particular cereals.. really bad…

   

And then I realized.. Wrong country idiot.

 

So, I looked around to see if anyone could see me drooling and crying and carried on to grab the ONLY type of Cheerios available here…

 

Mind you, I like this one, but I so wanted to nibble on my Lucky Charms or Honey Nut Cheerios tonight and then have them as a snack tomorrow at work.

Oh well.  But I did wonder exactly how long I stood there gazing at the boxes…? How embarrassing.

Whew..

So Friday arrived, and work is done for a few days… thank goodness.

Its been interesting on the dating side of things.

• Man 1 (M1) was married for 14 years
• Man 2 (M2) was married as well.
• M2 says hes been divorced at least 7 years or so.  Funnily, his ex’s name is same as mine.. just spelled different.
• Both have kids.. M1 has a young child. M2 has teenagers.
• Both seem to be quite involved in sport.. same sport.. Soccer. Whew.. I like soccer.
• M1 likes Cricket… if only he knew that I find it cute that the duck comes across the screen.. which apparently is a really bad thing in Cricket.  Thats my knowledge or care factor there.
• M1 seems very attentive.
• M2 is giving me attention, but not everyday like M1
• M1 lives further from me.

What to tell… I wont be meeting any of them this week.. M2 is going away for the week and we couldnt meet this week as he is sick. And, although hes getting better, or so he says, I was pretty adamant that not a chance in hell stood for he & I meeting while he was sick. M1 is going to take more effort.. hes further away, and not just a bit of a ways.. just over an hour away.. ugh.  So.. maybe next weekend? Who knows..

Keep ya’ll posted.

Any questions my avid readers want me to ask either M1 or M2? 

Is this what they will do tonight?

I can only imagine.. just like the 30 Rock Episode.