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I am a girl/woman/human who has random thoughts. Sometimes you can find me here rambling, other times i might have useful stuff to say. For the most part, my friends and family can see what I might be up to in the days events. Or, for sake of sakes, its all made up... only i know.. and MAYBE a select few of you! Either way~ I am an American living in Australia. Oh, and any photo you see on this blog IS NOT FOR YOUR USE. If I have taken the photo myself or have permission to use it, YOU CAN NOT USE IT FOR YOURSELF. So be warned... and just dont use my damn photos.

National Geographic Photo of the Day

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Guilty until proven innocent?

Man pardoned 86 years after hanging

The Victorian government will today posthumously pardon a man hanged 86 years ago for the rape and strangulation of a 12-year-old girl.

In a move that will create legal history, Victorian governor David de Kretser has signed a pardon for accused killer Colin Campbell Ross which Attorney-General Rob Hulls will announce during question time in the Victorian parliament, The Age newspaper reported.

Ross, 28, who ran a wine saloon in the Eastern Arcade in Bourke Street, Melbourne, was alleged by the Crown to have given Alma Tirtschke alcohol before raping and strangling her in Gun Alley, off Little Collins Street, on New Year's Eve, 1921.

He went to the gallows the following year protesting his innocence.

The only physical connection between him and the crime was hairs on a blanket at his Maidstone home that the jury was told came from the scalp of the victim, The Age reports.

Witnesses had sworn to seeing Ross at work or on a tram at the time of the murder.

Ross was one of many people routinely interviewed, arrested and remanded by police over the 12-year-old girl's murder, according to the Australian Dictionary of Biography.

His saloon had an unsavoury reputation as a haunt for criminals and prostitutes, and Ross had previously been accused — and acquitted — over the robbing and shooting of a customer.

Police, pressured by the press and the public to arrest the culprit, relied on information from dubious characters including to the fortune-teller 'Madame Ghurka' to claim that Ross had confessed to raping and strangling the girl, the Dictionary of Biography reports.

However, modern testing of the hairs found in Ross' home has since found the hairs did not belong to the girl, it said.

The pardon follows an inquiry into the case by Supreme Court judges Bernard Teague, Phil Cummins and John Coldrey, which found Ross was the victim of a miscarriage of justice.

The inquiry came about after descendents of Tirtschke and Ross signed a petition of mercy after learning of the re-testing of the hair samples.

"This is a tragic case where a miscarriage of justice resulted in a man being hanged," Mr Hulls told The Age.

Miss Tirtschke's niece, Bettye Arthur, said Alma's murder deeply affected her mother, two years younger than Alma.

"It is a tragedy for everybody that the actual perpetrator was not caught and an innocent man lost his life.

Ross's niece, Betty Everett, said her parents did not tell her of the case but she found out when she noticed a striking resemblance between Ross and her father in a magazine article years later.

"I have lived with this fear and doubt for most of my life, the more as I began to have children, that perhaps I carried the genes of a murderer. That shadow has gone," she said.

Wow! This was in the paper here today (The Age, click on the headline if you dont believe me, it will take you to the story!). Can you imagine the ramifications of this situations? Firstly, all the outcry that would have occurred at the time when Mr Ross was claiming his innocence and the townfolk were throwing the book at him... enough to hang him. The family of the little girl, they had been led to believe that the person received a punishment for the actions committed unto this 12 year old girl. They have dealt with the issues (granted, they have long since passed, but the generations continue and the stigma of that in ones family could have certain reactions). Now, the family members who weren't alive at the time of this incident have had to deal with this, and the feelings which could emerge!

I dont know about you, but a man proclaiming his innocence and then gets hanged, gets found innocent after 86 years? Damn, thats a lot to take in. Look at our justice systems these days? Yes, we have the forensics and the tools, but what about in another 86 years if we find out they were wrong?

One thing is for sure... Madame Ghurka (aka GIBSON, JULIA (1872-1953)), did not see this one coming!

Copy & Paste for info on Madame Ghurka:

Copy & Paste for info on Colin Ross:

Monday, May 26, 2008

"Signs Signs Everywhere Signs"

This was in a local pub and I thought it was a pretty clever approach from the typical No Smoking sign.

For the locals: Anyone taking any guesses on which pub?

The Mystery Man

Awhile back there was road construction on the road which i take to work everyday. It seemed that no matter what time you planned on leaving to not get stuck in traffic, the theory was a wash. Somedays the construction crew would make you sit for 20 minutes while they moved a particular machine across this two lane road. Other times, the would be doing nothing on the road, but rather out in the field and didnt want anyone to access the road. Somedays I really didnt care, afterall, I was just on my way to work.

It seems that after some point in magical time, you begin to wave to others on your way to work. These people are travelling the road the same time as you everyday, and you become to feel a bit of a family... among strangers. When the road construction put all of us at a halt, we would stare at each other in our cars and watch what was occuring. Some people ate breakfast, some read the paper, some chatted on the phone, some picked their nose (ugh!) and some just sat there looking blank. I usually could be seen drinking my Orange Juice and singing along to my music rather loudly (it wakes me up, what can I say?).

I then began to somehow get mixed into a different crowd a people on my construction waiting list. To be honest, it might have had something to do with my getting up later and later each morning. I became to dread having to look at the frumpy lady who was some sort of cross dressing rooster caught up in an ugly storm whose biggest mission was to stand there for hours on end holding a "STOP- GO" sign. She was miserable. She didnt smile, she wouldnt wave, plus i noticed a few times where I began to vomit at this time in the morning (pre 7 am or just slightly 7ish) when she would flirt with the boys driving the semi trucks thru or on the road construction crew. Do you remember the OOMPA LOOMPAs? Now, I know the Oompa's are male gender.. but this woman could have passed for male. UG-AH-LEE~

Personally, the Oompas are cute when doing the dance and song...but do i want to stare at in the morning? Not really.

Oh, apologies, I have strayed from the topic point. So, as I sit in the row of cars and we begin to proceed like little hamsters being freed from the cages, I would often pass this man in oncoming traffic who drove an older truck, with a canvas top on it (much like that of a landscaper's truck, with space to put plants and things). It seemed he would always spot me and smile, stick his tongue out, or jump up and down. I at first thought he was some psycho man who had some illness and forgot to take his pills. Do you know what its like to see a man make the "Gene Simmons" tongue action at you so early in the morning? For many mornings this occured, months in fact... I have not a clue who this is.

Time went on. I hadnt seen the man in the truck for a long time. Maybe he began to stalk someone, maybe he killed someone (his truck looked a bit creepy to me) Maybe just maybe he found someone else to "gesture" to in the mornings? I was curious as to why me? My car isnt exactly rare, but somehow he always knew when i was there.

To my suprise the other morning, my man has returned. I didnt get a weird gesture, or a head shake, or a tongue "lashing"... instead, he put his hand out the window (yes, I gasped for a moment and thought he was going to kill me) and waved. Who is this man? Does he know me? Mistaken Identity? Is he cute? Single? Why does he single me out?

Bizarre. If I ever go missing, please drive my normal work routine anytime between 6:45 am and 7:05 am... you will find him....

Yet, it seems odd that it brought a smile to face to see my "admirer" again. If only I knew who he was...

Friday, May 23, 2008

Karma baby.. Karma

This post has been deleted by me. Guess if you missed the contents you should check in more regularly! (You missed a good piece of gossip!)

Its only been deleted so that there wasnt evidence to incriminate me on any charges of defaming the stupid people and stupid pet owners of the world.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Stranger Danger

Tonight I am not in the comfort of my own home.. my own bed.. my own tasks gleaming as a reminder of things i should prob be doing. Instead, I am elsewhere. With nothing to do.
So, I turn on the TV and end up watching this program, which although they would like to claim they are "newsworthy" I feel its a glorified National Enquirer type of program. Except that they usually don't have the person on the program who thinks they have been abducted by aliens, much like the National Enquirer seems to have at least on page 4. In fact, I become so bored with the show that i channel swap, to the other "newsworthy" program also on at the same time. I am stuck in a warp of horrible programs. One is "educating" me on Roberta Williams (The Gangland Wars; well shes no model citizen, but other than giving birth to one of the members of the "gang" she really isn't shit of anything). Tonight she is on to tell us that her sister is telling lies and that another TV channel keeps trying to rope Roberta in to doing some sort of TV show (such as "So You Think You Can Dance?"). Does anyone care?
Is anyone besides me watching this crap?
I turn to the "competition" and they are alerting me of a new scam which is taken HUNDREDS of Australians hard earned dollars. Considering the fact that a great group of people don't work or do anything 'work related' to earn those dollars, I become sucked in to the headline. What on earth could be going on now to suck people in to giving strangers their "hard earned" money? For a moment I think I am holding my breath in anticipation.. but no, rest assured, I think I was trying to suffocate myself and relieve the pain of this awful show.
Apparently, people (or as the show calls them, hard working Australians) are receiving phone calls telling them they have won a trip. Usually a 13 day trip to the Bahamas or some other getaway spot in the USA... and once they 'verify' the name and details, along with a credit card for what they call admin fees, they will receive this FREE trip.
I am not kidding.
There were 4 people who were telling us their gripping story. I can not be sure on the exact count because I was baffled on how I didn't believe it to be true. How was I not one of those people who received that phone call to tell me the news? How was I not the lucky one that they hand selected to give me a trip? How can one be so damn stupid to believe this shit?
Especially when the person on the other end tells you they need your name, address, age, birth date, etc AND your credit card number? How could that NOT be a scam?
Disclaimer: For anyone reading this that has fallen to this little trap.. apologies, but go away. Your dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.
If one seriously believes that someone who doesn't know a damn thing about you is going to give you a trip, well, then let's have you on your way with your bags packed. Shit, I will help you pack. I certainly want to be there on your return flight home from NO WHERE.
One lady tells us that her life savings was taken by this scam. See, these people keep you on the phone, and at $3 a minute, that's a lot of money apparently to get your free 13 day holiday to NO WHERE. Life savings? Even I have more than $20 shoved in various spots (yes, that's where i keep my life savings... the couch cushions, the glass dish in the corner, the ashtray in my car, etc). One poor sap tells us that people work so hard to have a holiday that when someone offered her a free trip she was thrilled to go somewhere. HA! that's laugh in your face funny. I can sort of understand if the people on this show were in the age group of 70 and up... they believe the world is still nice and what not. No, these people ranged from 20-50 years of age. DUMB DUMB DUMB. Looking for sympathy? Not here my stupid person.
To top it off, the Australian Law cant do anything about it. See, because its a company not based in Australia, it is out of jurisdiction and therefore, unless the company is tied to an Australian company, there really is no grounds for any of these people. And my heart aches for the stupid lady who lost her life savings on the phone bill. At what point in the conversation do you think you might have been on the phone long enough to know that the beach, cabana boy, free drinks, and the free airfare to the OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD is non-existent?
The "newsworthy" program did not say that the credit cards were charged. So, I don't see how the life savings got depleted. The only loss of money was thru the phone call costs. Now, if you sit on the damn phone long enough to a stranger to rack up enough change to wipe your life savings away.. well, you obviously needed someone to talk to for the evening, or the day, or the week because apparently your counsellor has booked every available slot and just simply doesn't want to see you, much less talk to you, either.
I cant believe I sat thru the show.
Each day I surprise myself with how many stupid people there are in the world. That being said, its a full moon tonight, so the airing of that particular news story brought a chuckle and shake of the head to the world around us.
Got to run... the phone is ringing.. maybe i made "you have won a free holiday to Greece" call list finally. Don't worry, I will be sure to spell my name after I tell them who I am so that they get my plane ticket correct. After all, I don't want THAT embarrassment at the check-in desk.

Monday, May 19, 2008

More Tasmania Pics

This photo was taken in Battery Point. It supp was a tunnel used by the military brigade back in the days. We had a look (as best as we could) and you could see an array of tunnels in different directions. Creepy, you certainly wouldnt find me wandering in them!

Tilda & Me. Thanks to some stranger somewhere!

"On top of old smokey... opps, I mean Mt. Wellington"

In a little gorgeous town named Ross, playing in the leaves.. my whole world stopped while i heard the crackle of the leaves as i gathered them with my feet.

May 19 ...1962

Madison Square Gardens. The infamous Marilyn Monroe.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Realities of Life

In my own personal experience, I have seen alcoholism destroy lives, impact families, segregate loved ones, and so forth. It is nothing that I would wish upon another person. I have had my own struggles with my biological fathers drinking. In one sense, I have had to remove myself from the situation. The roles have reversed: I am the parent, he is the child. I presume its not uncommon for children of alcoholics to reverse the roles in order to gain some twisted sort of control over the situation.
Addiction is terrible. It overwhelms a person and their loved ones. At the current moment, a friend is trying to deal with the situation faced in front of said friend. I dont think said friend realizes the turmoil or drama which is associated with the events that will be brought into friends current world. Friend is having the alcoholic move in with another family member as the alcoholic "begins to die".
The family member is going to get a quick lesson in life for sure. To watch your father destroy himself in front of your eyes is something you can never get out of your head. To watch your father hallucinate due to withdrawls is something a child, no matter the age should witness. To watch your father crave for the drink and want to toss your love aside is horrid, especially in your own house which you have opened up and are only trying to help because you love them.
I wish I would have never gone thru the above mentioned process. In fact, theres so much to it, but i dont need or want to rehash it in my head at the moment.

Alcoholism is such a selfish "ism". Such debate whether its genetic, a chemical process, learned behaviour, etc.... at the end of the day, each is responsible for their very own actions.

My heart goes out to my friend and extended family for all that they will endure. I pray for the safety of everyone, the strength to carry on, and that the journey doesnt destroy them.

I have friends who are in recovery and doing wonderful. Most are sucessfully on track each day. Thats not to say that they arent still struggling with the demons, but they are taking each day "one step at a time". I commend anyone who has overcome such an "ism". It sure isnt easy. I pray for you my friend.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Cheech And Chong

Because I felt like a good giggle..

Friday, May 16, 2008

While tinkering...

One must just love Gallagher...


Thursday, May 15, 2008

Insert witty comment here...

I am homesick.

If i was HOME, would i be homesick for this HOME?

I had a fantastic little holiday away.

Work sucked. Today. Tomorrow is a short day. Less stupidity due to less work hours? I can hope.

I want to crank my music REALLY loud tonight.

I had a great chat tonight. I missed hanging with the "G"'s.

Mom made chilli.

Little One is very chatty tonight.

I am anxious. I dont know for what.

I miss my grandma. Its her bday soon.

I wonder.... all sorts of things.

Ah... what to do, what to think... so maybe i will just tinker...

Get it?

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

A Snipet before I crash into lala land...

Key notes to be elaborated later:
  • Fire Alarm @ 4:27 am prompted a dash down the stairs to the parking lot to see my fellow hotellers... this also prompted a change from my sexy striped flannel pants to other clothes following the thought of "do I really want to take the risk of having THIS be my only clothes available for the plane ride back?". I would mention why we had a fire alarm, but lets say that due to strict NCIS regulations... I cant. All was well and we were let back in the hotel at 5 am.

  • While attending a night out: ran into my Marine boys... who told me that our hotel WAS on fire. Sat and drank and drank and drank. Returned back to the hotel and had to check with reception to see if our room was accessible. Received phone call from the boys and continued with the festivities until the next morning. See full story of THIS ACTUAL fire alarm here:,22884,23682842-3462,00.html

  • Went to Mt Wellington, which if I remember correctly is 12000 metres above sea level. Cold Windy Gorgeous

(Mt Wellington, Hobart Tasmania)

  • Discovered that Hobartians can NOT park in a parking lot... especially trying to reverse park. Many laughs over this! Provided great entertainment for free! Also discovered strange things happen in the parking lots in Hobart.. here is just one of the oddities... they just stopped and practiced and then left.

  • Went to Richmond and saw this fantastic bridge. Had a great road trip with Tilda.

  • Loved that the trees were changing colors this time of year. I havent seen the leaves change on a tree for the last 7 years. Magical! Loved the sound of the leaves and the smell of the leaves... i even ran like a little girl again thru the leaves.

  • USS Tarawa arrived the same night we did. They werent allowed to be off the ship until Saturday morning. It was great to have the Americans around us, hearing the "accent" and watching all the sights that all seemed so normal to us, but so often so foreign to the Australians. I found something that was missing in me again.. and I have 3 very special Marines (you MUST say Marines in a deep voice) to thank for it. Great chuckles, stories, past moments, crossed paths, and so forth. Who would of thought i could have hooked up with the SUPER educated "N" from PA who studied at ST Olaf's and spoke Norweigian to me, with "S" the Italian Stallion from NY whose sweetness and intent for love melted my heart, and then the great "J" who grew up on a farm from PA who keeps creeping into my mind and bringing a smile back to my face by just being him (as well as the translator of MANY many many stories). Oh, and Random Cal for the beer, all because I was American. All the boys were great, nice to be around well mannered people again, fun times telling jokes, sharing, questions, etc. Although, on a ship with 3000, those particular 3 will forever remain in my heart.

(USS TARAWA, berthed in Hobart)

  • Ventured to the Musuem to see Mr Naughty's donation box which he created years ago. Found out it is "off the premises" due to people trying to steal it, and it broke due to the coins weights. Turns out it was series of 3 hands and as you drop the coins in one hand, it goes to the next. Sounded neat, every person who was behind a desk knew the artist and the piece. Had to deliver the crushing news to Mr Naughty, which with his procession of days as of recent.. my timing was a bit off.
  • Saw heaps of woman prancing around trying to get laid by the sailors & marines.
  • Heard the sailors & marines tell them they stunk of BO, only wanted food and beer, etc. Of course, I gave them advice.. "dont pay for it, they put out in this country for free.. might have to buy them a beer if anything". Later, when chatting to different sailors & marines I heard my VALUABLE advice being told around the table. I received many thanks for days on that advice...
  • Saw an amazing landscape of colors, hills, rocks, flowers, etc everywhere we ventured.
  • Spent great time with Tilda. Laughing. Talking. Being Silly. Being Serious. Memories. Playing. Walking.
  • Picnic with Tilda for Mother's Day
  • Late nights.
  • Lots of fun
  • Great memories and stories

I really should get my ass to bed, its been a fantastic trip and i loved every minute of it. I have to work in the morning... back to the reality. I'm sure tomorrow my co-workers will hear little bits of chuckling going on as i think of those little moments over the last few days.

Oh, Tilda... she bundled up pretty well, wore the toe socks, was the first to crank the heat in the room, and she found it to be a bit chilly...but she survived!

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Im going to the tip of Australia.. well damn near tip anyway!

I heading out for an adventure to Tasmania. Hobart to be exact. (did you hear the music to the 'beverly hillbillies' playing to that sentence then?). Tilda and I are venturing there for a few days. I dont know what the net service will be like, or if i will be too busy seeing all the wonderful things and capturing the culture to be concerned with blogging. So, apologies in advance if i dont update until mid next week. How will you all survive?

It's going to be cold. Its pretty damn close to the Antartica Region as i prob will ever EVER get too... simply put, I am bringing the MN winter jacket.. a scarf... 3 hats (yes, 1 of them has those ear flaps AND a little ball that shakes when i wobble my head back and forth. Mom reckons i look like a German Militant. I reckon its a fun hat.. when i shake my head. Im not sure how far the ball on top moves, but i certainly have fun being a dill). I am bringing toe socks. I even had mom buy toe socks.

Mom is going to freeze. Im sure someone will dob me in for bringing her to a place that is that damn cold. Tilda doesnt do well in cold. In fact, Tilda doesnt, never has, and prob never will enjoy the cold. I really dont mind it. When i was a child, Tilda was horrible in snow sports with me. She never really enjoyed the skiing thing, the skating thing, the sledding thing. Wait, thats not a fair comment... she enjoyed it, she just froze her little bits completely off! She was a trooper tho and hung in for as long as she possibly could. Give her credit!

So when i leave for work in the mornings, remember its coming into our winter here... well.. when i leave home at 7am.. the temp gauge says 17 degrees (celcius).. which pretty much stays that temp for a few minutes until i drive away from the coast.. then it hits to about 10 or 11 degrees. THIS IS 7 AM where i live. Where i am going, the HIGH TEMP is supp to be 17 degrees... all i know for you farenheit folks that somewhere between 50-64 degrees is the temp HIGH. the low should be about 30. THATS BLOODY COLD for a woman who has lived in the tropics for the last 7 years.

Heres hoping the MN girl comes back and i survive the bloody strong winds and the cold weather! And now if you will all pray for a moment for Tilda... Lord, give her warmth...

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Eight Belles

(photo courtesy of USA TODAY)

Click the link. Its super important. Peta needs your help. Eight Belles, a filly who participated in the Kuntucky Derby collapsed and both her front ankles snapped. Because of this, "she was eunthanized in the dirt where she lay, the latest victim of the dirty business of thoroughbred racing." (Ingrid Newkirk 2008)

"Eight Belles' death is yet another reminder that horses are raced when they are so young that their bones have not properly formed, and they are often raced on surfaces that are too hard for thier bones- like the hard track at Churchill Downs. Eight Belles' jockey whipped her mercilessly as she came down the final stretch. Trainers, owners, and jockets are driven by the desire to make money, and the horses suffer teribbly for it." (Ingrid Newkirk 2008)

There are even tapes of the trainer, named LARRY JONES saying that his horse "ran the race of here life," "she was glad to do it." Let's hope the Lexington Herald-Leader puts that on the front page so LARRY JONES can be crucified in public. How honestly can a horse be glad to give their life and tirelessly run so that the ankles snap, all for a photo in the paper and the trainer and all the investors, jockeys, etc reap the rewards? Are you f**kin kidding me? Thats insane to think that.

Please, I beg you, contact Peta, help activate the awareness of the horrendous acts brought on animals in the racing industry. I urge you to speak for those who can not speak for themselves. And, if you stumble upon Larry Jones the trainer of Eight Belles could you kindly whoop his ass for me... i will owe you one for the arrogant bastard. May he be whipped and beaten senslessly with the karma so rightly deserved.
Here is the article posted in the USA Today... great info on PETA's demands for the racing industry.


Once you get to "know" someone, or at least "know" them better than you originally did, you can read between the lines of things that they have lead you to believe. Nothing major, but its funny to sit back and redefine things again. So....B is currently in the lead for the
"NINNYHAMMER with BUNCOMBE ideas " Award.

Congrats B, its the first one this year. Oh, for those who arent quite sure what this new award means..

Definition: A fool or a silly person.Analysis: The word "fool," unless you're Mr. T, is sometimes woefully inadequate to express the stupidity of the person you're talking about. So use Ninnyhammer. Or at least NINNY.

Alternative: The English language is chockful of colorful words meaning stupid person, such as: DUMMKOPF, IGNORAMUS, JOBBERNOWL, GOWK, and WITLING.
For mental retardation, eschew the ubiquitous 'tard - rather, use AMENTIA (extreme mental retardation because of inadequate brain tissue), CRETINISM (mental retardation associated with dwarfism, caused by the deficiency of a thyroid hormone, a person with cretinism is a CRETIN), and MORONITY (used to mean mild retardation of having a mental age of 7 to 12 years, now it's an obsolete term though we still use the word moron).

Definition: A ludicrously false statement. Basically it means bullshit or nonsense.
Analysis: Actually, you probably already know this word by its more common spelling: bunkum.
The origin of this word is fascinating. In 1819, a North Carolina congressman, the Honorable Felix Walker, was giving a rambling speech with little relevance to the current debate. He refused to yield the floor, and claimed that he wasn't speaking for Congress but instead "for Buncombe" (a county in North Carolina he represented). That's all it took.
Over time, the spelling changed to "bunkum," and the meaning strangely changed to be "excellent." Then it changed back in 1870, when a San Francisco gambler introduced a new game "banco" played with dice that were later found out to be loaded. Sure enough, BUNCO became known to mean swindle or cheat, and bunkum reverted back to its original meaning. (Source)
The word DEBUNK came directly from this: it's just bunk(um) with the prefix de- (meaning to remove).

Special Thanks to for the help on that one! So, who else deserves this award out there? Let me know who you think is in the running for the "Ninnyhammer with Buncombe ideas" award?

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Sudden Silence From B

I think B might have gotten yesterday's hint of me being busy. Or, maybe it was some subtle brush off in my leaving on friday... i am not sure. He hasnt called. He hasnt messaged. Does it bother me? Should it bother me? I really could not be sure.

I do know that if he had contacted me it would have been an effort to see him. I enjoyed the moments we had in the previous weeks. I really thought I liked him. I tried really hard to overcome some of those "things" which I wasnt really fond of. However, it usually only takes a few weeks and i click in to all the things and realize whats what. Glad its done. Actually im prob a bit more pissed about it than anything. Good sex, but hey, i have and can go without that again. I am sure there is more to life than sex. Shit, the past years I think I am almost in the running to become some sort of New Age Nun. I like black. I look good in a hat. Nah, i dont think i could be that quiet for long periods of time.

Went to wash the car today. Was going to be lazy and run it thru the automatic station.. it was closed. Damn, I didnt expect on my usual car wash manually technique. I didnt bring my gear to do the job properly. Oh well, just a quick job and away we go. Tonight, the car sits in the garage looking flash. Tomorrow the plan is to detail the inside. Such a good session for me when I do the car thing. I think it comes from my dad. We love our cars. In fact today I spoke to dad and he will be sending me a photo of the latest motor he built for his 63 Ford. Its a perfect father daughter relationship. Hes taught me heaps about vehicles. I think i learned early on that its almost like your own little counselling session. You just get so focused on the car that everything else seems to go away for a bit.

Im needed something at the moment. I seem to be very sentimental lately. Its grandma's bday this month. She is such a special person. I love her to bits. My little Marshmellow, I wish I was able to be with her. It's hard knowing shes getting older. I cherish so many moments with her.

Its Derek's bday as well. Derek was very special to me. He was a great influence and I will be forever thankful for all he taught me and for being in my life. Sometimes the world has a strange way of teaching people things. Derek taught my entire family alot. I miss him heaps and think of him always.

Its HG's bday too. Gosh another year. HG is so fantastic to me. He makes me smile, he makes me laugh. He loves his wildlife and teaches me heaps. He has this excitement about flora and fauna.. he gets you into it. Usually my coffee times include the latest updates on the wildlife in the backyard. And the flashlight fetish... ha, hes such a great friend. "How are you HG?"

Its also EF's bday. Party party party.

Firestick J is having a bday too this month. Currently her best friend (similiar to my Nick) is sitting in the hospital. Luckily, hes been moved from the spinal area last night. Shes taking it okay, but i think she may be in shock yet. He was the skipper on that nasty boat accident during the week which killed 6 people. The media is portraying things a bit twisted.. and no matter what, it hurts oh so deeply when something of the sort happens. My heart aches for her pain and confusion.

Its also Nicks bday this month. I hope hes doing well. Hes got some personal stuff going on which I am not sure if he will ever sort out. I miss him terribly. I miss the way he made me laugh, the way he looked at life, his recklessness for things. I miss his smile and hugs. I miss my friend.

I am looking for something to fill up this little void i have been feeling. Im not sure what it is. Maybe it will sort itself out tomorrow during the detailing of the car....

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Catch Up

As I sit here tonight and reflect on the last two evenings events, its hard to not shake my head and grab more to drink. A bit of a recap you ask? Well, pour yourself your choice of drink and read on....

Friday Night:
Prob not in my best mood, but still going good. Just needed to laugh a bit and I would have pulled out of my "funk". Arrive at B's place and he states: "We have 20 minutes to get to dinner. They stop serving at 8". My thoughts? stop serving at 8? no restaurant stops at 8. im not really that hungry. B always discusses food. We can be eating and hes already discussing the next meal. Did he starve as a child? I like my food, but geez.. i do know that i am capable of getting the next meal so there really isnt a need to strive for the next one. This isnt Africa Im living in, food is readily available. I find out we are heading to the local pub. Granted its prob a bit more upscale than your average pub. But to me, its still a pub. It just happens to be next to a Marina and a shitload of boats and its squashed in between high rises. You cant see shit on the water cuz, remember its almost 8... the dinner sucked. Im sure I ordered Satay Chicken but i had a hard time finding satay sauce..and its certainly shouldnt be runny sauce substance. B orders a steak and inhales the damn thing. Oh, before this, while waiting for the meal, he has a whinge about his week (he's been gone during the week at work). And he whinges some more. And more. I politely, yes people, politely, tell him hes whinging an awful lot. and remind him hes not at work now. I try to change the conversation. He still seems to whinge. By this point, Im trying really hard to convince myself to hang in there and that the mood is prob me. Its not, but Im trying really hard to not do the usual "i cant be stuffed dealing with this" and running.
We look at two boats on the harbour dock. He asks which one i prefer. I tell him the one on the left. He tells me thats a bad choice. He can sail the one on the right. Apologies but i could have sworn he asked for my opinion. He talk non-stop. About himself. When i first met him, I told everyone "hes very talkative" and everyone said this was a good thing. I tended to not really think so, but took it in stride and tried to ease up on it a bit. I then realized that everyone who was telling me it was a good thing that he was so chatty, was married, or been with their partner since the Titanic... and that, well, they prob dont talk to the other one as much as they like. Im not them. And, they didnt quite know HOW much he chatted. Its endless. Its always about him lately. ACK!

I hang out at his place for a bit. Hes tired. Hes driven back up the coast that night from work, golfed, and now hes full and hes tired. Where did I leave the violin? better yet, where oh where did i leave the number for the string quartet? I worked too. I socialized. I did a shitload of stuff during the week. I didnt golf, no. But the point is, B made the plans for Friday. Not me. If he was going to be so tired, why not take Saturday as i suggested. Why listen to me?

I make a dash for it and head home. Shower. The ugliness is off me. I begin to think I have had enough. Good while it lasted, but not something that i can really deal with. Maybe the fact that he never got off his ass and filed the legal documents for a divorce from his wife is really playing on me. He and her havent been together for like 10 years, he doesnt know where she even lives. I dont date married men. In this country there are heaps of men and woman who are seperated, not divorced, all for various reasons (mainly lazy) and it annoys the shit out of me. If your done with it, be done. If you have issues with it, deal with it. Dont bring it with you. I am beginning to think that at this point, however much i didnt think it would really bother me, is REALLY an issue with me. I dont think I need to deal with that baggage. It bothers me. I am a bit tired of putting in the effort, and I still want to be dazzled a bit, its still early in all of this. Dazzle me. Make me feel like a million bucks. I dont and wont work harder than another for all of this. Afterall, I am content in my own space. I do know that every relationship needs attention, work, etc but maybe I would like to see consistency from B ..... and then after tonight.... I am not so sure.

He messages me in the morning. Hes golfing this afternoon. Lets meet up. No, Im busy. Thought I told him that. In fact, I know I told him that. I have to go and shop for my Tassie hats. Which, on a sidenote, I got some really cool hats from GONE BONKERS today. Love that shop. Did you all know that I LOVE THAT SHOP. Tilda does too... she even proclaimed it loudly in the store in the 2nd to last row. The other lady in the aisle agreed and mentioned something about 'ya, where else would you find a farting bottle opener?'. Personally, I didnt know they had them, but now I do. See, they have EVERYTHING! Oh yeah, sorry... about B.. so at this point, I dont care if i see him again or hear from him. I cant be bothered. I will, if he calls, give it a few hours and meet up with him. But as it sits now, its really in the ALL TO HARD BASKET.
Saturday Night:
i have had to make plans with T. Had a nice dinner, only embarrassed me a few times, thank goodness it was a small town and no one prob noticed. I really didnt think that i would have to explain to someone of an "adult" age that the little bowl on the table filled with salt, is actually salt. And, oh by the way, no... i mean NO proper restaurant displays the wine list on the wall. Seriously? Am I on a different planet than everyone else lately?

French restaurant. Nice food, but Im not sure if i would really go back again. Packed for a little town. Expensive. Esp for a little town. T is paying as it was arranged earlier due to previous encounters. Before heading out to his place, he calls to ask me to pick up some beer for him for after dinner. I thought he wasnt drinking anymore. Apparently its only during the week that hes not drinking. Funny that... if you have to put stipulations on it, would you not be an addict? Whatever I dont care. More reasons to fullfil the "this is why we are only friends" list in case he decided to ask again. To be a bit of a bitch, I tell him he owes me the cash. I am not a bank. I am not going to support your habit. I have my own habits to deal with. Fuck off.
I venture home. Figured I would be home by 9, i was. Thank goodness. Enough has been enough. I stagger across the driveway to Firestick J's place and say hello. I walk in, exhausted with the struggle of men over the last few nights and think that i am better off single. I enjoy me more when I am single. Life seems to be less complicated. Firestick J has a house full of men. The cameras are going off, suddenly I am standing there in a lineup of men and the camera is flashing. Smile! Um, what? I look over and this cute little boy (okay so hes mid 20's but remember B is 41, so Darling Dale is a boy tonight to me) is standing there being all cute and half naked ironing in his boxers. Who is this? Firestick J has just met him as well. Hes a friend of a friend whose BBQ died and they ended up at her place to BBQ. Drinks, laughs, stories, and I felt full of life again.
All I wanted as of friday was a good laugh to pull me out of my funk. Who would have ever thought it would actually be Darling Dale half naked and me giving ironing assistance (Team effort) to him which would pull me out of a funk. Ah... its great when life is back to simple again. Then again, theres nothing more attractive than a man with tatts ironing.
As for now, I am going to settle in bed, nice clean sheets, and think of a great day ahead of me tomorrow.

Perfect End

A perfect end to the work week is to go and sit by the beach for a bit and just let it all go and wish it away. So thats what i did...

And to my dear freinds HG & FG... i might not have to use your "kiss of death" technique as I think last night I incorporated my own version! Coffee?

Friday, May 02, 2008

Mt Wellington

Listen to the wind crack thru the microphone! Amazing. In one week, I will be venturing to this area.. cant wait. My only concern is that Tilda is going to freeze her little skinny rear off! She was never good to stay at the ice skating rink long when i was a kid, so I cant imagine years later her being any better in the cold!