Chats with friends

So a friend stopped by yesterday whom I havent caught up with in quite awhile. It was great chatting about all sorts of things.. he is one of those friends who you just start on one topic, and then somehow skip to another in a matter of seconds. Always so much to talk about that the conversation just goes anywhere.

We got on the topic of life. See, things have happened in this persons life.. lets call him Nuzzlepants for today. Well, nuzzlepants went to the doctor and received some off balance test results. He wasnt sure he wanted to know the final results of things...until maybe later on... much later on.

It got me thinking a bit. Its not such a bad idea. Why would you want to know if your life is coming to an end? Or if the next stage is going to be filled with glum and pain? Why not carry on as you do normally, dealing with life as it comes.

Pain? We all have pain in some form. Some of us have had bad car accidents in life, such as myself.. I live in pain everyday. Somedays its worse, and somedays its manageable. Thats the way it is. Do I really want to be pain free? Somedays, but I also dont want to be walking around with my head in the clouds and not being able to remember some of the magical moments which I encounter. If I was to make my life pain free, or lessor, I might have to take medication which wouldnt enable me to do my job appropriately, or be able to function mentally somedays (no witty comments needed here) or I might not be able to do certain aspects of life. Then again, I might be so pain free, that the possibility of injuring myself more is possible. If the pain is masked, would I necessarily stop doing some things which could create more pain? Such as climbing a mountain- each day, I know to a good degree, on how much I can push my body. I am mentally aware of what my body can do or not do for the day. I am okay with that.

Or, for instance, if you end up with some form of terminal issue. Some people want all the latest technology and medical advances to extend their life a bit longer. Some want these "options" so they can finalize a few things in life. The list can be endless why people want these "options". But, for arguments sake, lets explore this option: if you took the option of medical blah blah so that you could take that last trip to your favorite destination....could you really enjoy it fully? Wouldn't you know in the back of your mind that your life was ending soon.. and this might be the end of it. Or, is it fair that your friends and family see you turn into something your not because of the medication which enables you to be grumpy, vomitting, etc... is that how you want to last be remembered? Some do. And thats fine. Im not sure if I would tho.

What is so wrong with living happily in the comfort of each day forward, for the way you choose... to be worthy or not worthy of the day. To spend it as you wish. Coherent as possible? After all, we all go thru life differently, in different stage, directions, and moral paths. But, if at the end of it, you can say you were happy with how you choose to life... why should someone have to conform to what someone else thinks is THE way to do it. Say, why should I tell my friend that he MUST get the results of his test.. so he can extend his life IF something is really wrong? Why can't I be happy for him that nuzzlepants wants to go about his business in as much normality as possible? Well, I am sure not everyone will agree, but I do think nuzzlepants, and the rest of us, should be able to choose. Shit, everyday we choose to live or die. Everyday we choose if we want to be a better person, make someones day, be grumpy, run carefree of our lives, or be sediment and not take any risks. Everyday we all choose our destiny. Even if that destiny is only for a matter of minutes.

Thats what life is for.. to choose what you want, live how you like, and be able to make those choices. Yes, the consequences are there, but should we live each day thinking of EVERY SINGLE consequence from that action?

I dont know... just some thoughts. Im sure each of us have differnt views and reasons. As for me, a big part of being a friend is having that friendship the best it can be. And, as far as nuzzlepants goes... I will keep his friendship as long as its there and available to me. When its no longer there, I hope its because he is no longer here.. just the same as I want my other friendships to end. I want to cherish my friends each day, and know in some comfort (albeit padded comfort) that my friendships can stand the test of time, endure the laughter and bad jokes, and be okay in the fact that I love each of my friends for the qualities we have in our friendship.

Maybe being in the dark about certain issues isnt so bad. If I knew that today was my last day on earth.. would I still be content with how I spent it? I dont know.. but I am content with that today I loved life, had some great times.. and well, if it ended tomorrow.. I would hope someone would miss me and think of me every now and then... and know that I was a good person. I dont know that I would want them to be sorry for the choices I choose or didnt choose. Thats the true beauty of life... we all get to life it for ourselves as we wish.