Somedays do you ever just sit and wonder how far in life you have become? Looking back at the different relationships, and why you were there, and why you left? It sometimes seems so surreal when I look back and ‘analyze’ life and my actions within my own life.
Then, I look at others, and wonder what impact I have had on their life. Such as:
Does the idiot who I broke up with because the only motivation he had was to get high, and get laid (not always just by me either)… did he ever grow up out of that. Did he finally stop beating his girlfriends?
Or, how about the young girl who thinks Im older than the hills and wont listen when you give her advice. Without shattering the facade of her life, you try to be there and listen, and offer help. She denies it. You wish she would realize that the path shes travelling isnt a healthy one. She will learn in her own time. Yet, will that be before or after her life altering decisions come winding down the path like a Mack truck. And then, when it does, will she even comprehend that THIS very moment was what you were talking about?
Then theres the person you worked with years ago. You partied hard, had great laughs, and always enjoyed the days that they were scheduled with that person on the same shift. You shared so much with that person. The perils of life. The shit job gossip. The dreams you had. The relationship issues you had with your current man. The way your family judged. So much was shared. And now, a million miles away, and years of not knowing what the hell they are up to, do you wonder if they ever think back to those times. Those times when life seemed so difficult, and yet, it was the time of our lives, living it up and thinking we were invincible. Does your ex-coworker ever think of those times? Those times when your 8 hour shift seemed to be easier cuz you could laugh with someone every now and then.
Its odd to see how many people come & go into your life. And when you realize how many peoples lives you have come & gone from. The reason why you came into it, the reason why you left it. And all those lives that you dont even remember enough stuff to think twice about all those years later.
Well, today, I thought of you. I thought of my lost friends who have passed on in a variety of ways. Those who now lead a different path than myself. And, yes, I even thought of the loser boy who I once was prepared to give up everything to be with, because at the time, I thought that was what I wanted.
And, now, tonight, after a few Capt’n & Cokes… I realize.. I am better for knowing all of them, and Im better for not speaking to at least HALF of them. And, I am content in knowing that I made a difference in some of the lives I was in as well. I know that most of the people who I encountered and shared my life with for whatever amount of time, they have taught me something. Some taught me more than others. Either way, they helped me.
So, to all those friends… alive or dead.. cheers to you. And although we may not call each other friends anymore, shit, we might not even think of each other anymore (not even in memory stories we tell), I thank you for your influence in my life.
For you, having been in my life, have taken another little piece of my heart… and for that, I am thankful. For you have helped me shape me.