nothing like killing time at an airport

Sitting at the airport, with another 4 hours to go before they will tell me if Im on the plane (beauty of standby) .. so ive paid to check into a lounge and chill out for awhile.. all good

im anxious to get home, to what I now know as normal. Dont get me wrong, Ive had a good time in the states, some better than others... but Im looking forward to being in my own comfortable environment again.. with my friends (whom I have chosen very carefully, and very dear to my heart) and resume life as normal - except for that damn Salt Mines of a JOB.. that Im not looking forward to so much. Interesting tho, with some very stressful situations that arose during my trip back to the states, my stomach acid didnt act up like it does when Im at work.. so, test results are in.. my job stresses me.. confirmed.

I got to see my biological father. Hard to see someone who you once saw as a strong man with a lot of energy and zest for life.. barely able to walk.... much less walk & carry any items of weight. He stopped drinking only days before I came, and that resulted in a seizure during our first visit.. thankfully, other people were around. Nothing like seeing your dad piss himself and not remember a damn thing... hard to see, adn yet, a part of me just wanted him to not be in pain anymore. gut wrenching. Ive done pretty good talking on the phone to him, but to see him in his situation was a bit too much... i spent as much time as i emotionally could with him. One day I had spent about 6 hours with him, before I just felt I had to escape.. I couldnt bare it anymore, and I was drained from holding back the tears. He was sweet, offered me a popsicle before i left.. couldnt do it.. it felt like I just had to run and escape the situation...and the guilt... oh goodness teh guilt and sorrow I feel. And no matter how many times people tell me to not have guilt... well, until your in that situation... dont tell me my feelings arent valid. I know its said with love & concern, but damn it... its my feelings. It hurts. Its got to... hes my dad.

Grandma is doing well. Although, when anyone asks, she makes it sound like shes on her death bed. But man, you wave the offer of food to her, or the Twins Baseball game, or the casino, and that 87 year old granny of mine will out run you... in fact, I had to slow her down on teh way to dinner one night, she just darted across the street, not looking for cars... YIKES! it was nice to spend time with her and just be. Wasnt real thrilled on watching the twins every night... I like baseball as much as I like cricket.. and neither of the two make my list of shit to watch.  BUT i did, to hang with grandma. Ive now discovered teh reason why I THINK the older ladies watch baseball.. after a few conversations with the older ladies... it seems to me that the outfits, most notably, the pants and the 'cute butt' are what keep those statistics up and people watching!  i heard one particular lady, who is 92, say that the pitcher was so good looking in his pants... I couldnt help but laugh out loud... grandma noticed me giggling...and promptly told her she would call her back later!  I learned grandma's trick for corn on the cob in the micro... always liked it when she made it for me... even as a kid.. just couldnt remember teh trick! baking paper... goodness. Got it now.  Shes doing well, but hard to see her get a bit older too... but somehow she will always remain in her 60's to me... so full of life, and her mind is so vivid yet, and she and I had some good conversations. Although, she talks over the news program... but I soon learned to listen to HER & the news ... but didnt dare speak during the Wheel of Fortune! I so wish she would have went on that show... she would have been rich... how she knows those phrases so quickly.... amazes me.  God love her... shes so special.

Alright... time for a pee break & smoke break... post another one later.