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I am a girl/woman/human who has random thoughts. Sometimes you can find me here rambling, other times i might have useful stuff to say. For the most part, my friends and family can see what I might be up to in the days events. Or, for sake of sakes, its all made up... only i know.. and MAYBE a select few of you! Either way~ I am an American living in Australia. Oh, and any photo you see on this blog IS NOT FOR YOUR USE. If I have taken the photo myself or have permission to use it, YOU CAN NOT USE IT FOR YOURSELF. So be warned... and just dont use my damn photos.

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Friday, December 24, 2010

For you

Im in a bit of a struggle at the moment.  I have some really deep feelings that have surfaced again, regarding someone special in my life.  When I lived in the states, times & circumstances didnt allow us to be together, but my heart always held him so dear.  He makes me smile, he makes me feel safe, he makes me feel as if nothing in the world exists but him & I.  And, as time does.. life goes on.  And you drift apart. Thats how things go.

Catch up to years later... and here we are again... back in touch. Except Im here.. he is there. Worlds apart. Lives are different now.. he has kids and a girlfriend ... I dont want to mess things up with any of that, regardless how shitty the relationship he & she have.. they still have kids together. And, for that reason alone, its damn good thing I live in another country.  If I lived there, I know that I would struggle with not having him in my life. And, I know that she probably would not like us being friends.  And yeah, friends it would be. Im not about to ever break anyone up.. or a family... thats not me. But, some women have this idea that their man cant be friends with someone from thier past.  So, it woudl be so difficult to have the friendship we do have if I lived there.  And, with some contentment, its nice that Im way over here, able to be friends, with no threat to her, and still have him in my life. In my circle of loved people.

He was such an important person to me so long ago. We have a history together. Its deep. We both helped each other thru some pretty tough times, and both knew how to make each othe smile.  There were things that I shared with him, that no one else knew. I thought I would always have to carry the burden of that shit by myself.. but he allowed me to share things, without placing judgement, without gossiping, without making me feel that I had done bad. Instead, he comforted me, he gave advice, he listened, he was there.. and that was more than anyone else in my life was.. he was there for me. And is today.

I love you my friend.

He wants me to build a time machine. I laughed when he said that. Now.. its all I think about - how cool it would be to have him near me.

I cherish each moment we have had together in this world. Thank you for being you.


Anonymous said...

what you need is a TARDIS - Doctor Who's 1950's blue telephone box to time travel in.Especially with David Tennant as the Doctor in it.

Daisy said...

Oh wow. There is one guy in my life who this could happen with. I always worry we'll run into each other again and I won't know what to do!!

I don't envy this position. I guess if we were to be all rational and logical and throw emotions (who needs them anyway?) aside - we could say - how wonderful that you get the opportunity to still be friends. And that being friends is enough.

But bringing emotions back in (we ARE girls after all) I recognize how difficult it is to be friends with someone you have deep feelings of love for. Back to the logical - if it's meant to be - it will be - and then BACK to the emotional - HUGS!!!!