Hurry up to wait

I have made plans to head back home for a few short weeks in the MN summer. Im anxious, excited, ready to shop, dreading certian things, thrilled to catch up with some, cringing that I have to catch up with other, and hoping and praying that I can keep my tact enough in tact to not say anything stooopid to particular people. 

The thrill of seeing some of my family & friends is overwhelming. To hold them and hug them again is going to be great.  And to hear their stories, and chat like we just saw each other yesterday is the love of the familiar and comfy-ness that I so love.  To kick back and actually spend time with them. To hear them laugh, cry, giggle, and just BE. To get ready to venture out for a night on the town, get all dalled up, and have a great time... just like the old days (without most of the shit).

Then sets in the achy-ness of knowing that there are going to be those moments with some people where I will have the urge to want to back hand them. I know its wrong, but sometimes I just cant handle the mundane and ignorant parts of it all. And, I SHOULD really be nice... and then I think.. honey, Im only here for a little over 2 weeks, do you really think I care that _______ happened, or that you have ____________ to your _________________?  No. But thanks, glad I spent all that money & time & MY HOLIDAY to come here to listen to your shit forever, all while you ask me NOTHING about me. Yeah, good times people. Good freaking times.

But, its what you do. Right? You have certain people high on the list, certain people low on the list.

Theres also this part of me that just wants to play up a bit.... I mean Im back home, in my environment and yet such a stranger to everything that I once knew as normal.  I can walk into my old life, play up, met with certain friends, and then walk away from it again - tuck it in a bag until my next trip home.... all my own little secrets for just me.

Then there is the shopping, the outlet stores, the cheap yet gorgeous clothes. Oh, how I love to go shopping there... and yet I hate doing it here.

So much fun & adventures to be had. And, yet, the time isnt here yet, and already I feel as if Im not going to be able to do everything I want, see everyone I want.. etc.

Maybe so much of this stems from the fact that there are just certain people who cant be pleased, and I know that Im going to disappoint them. I need to get over that.

Also, its the first time going back home as a Permanent Resident here. Which means, that Im legally, forever, entitled to come back HERE ..... which means that I dont nec have to look as THAT home as the 'what if' option anymore. 

Ah who knows. Maybe Ive just had too much Vitamin C this evening. Yeah we will go with that.