Sudden Silence From B

I think B might have gotten yesterday's hint of me being busy. Or, maybe it was some subtle brush off in my leaving on friday... i am not sure. He hasnt called. He hasnt messaged. Does it bother me? Should it bother me? I really could not be sure.

I do know that if he had contacted me it would have been an effort to see him. I enjoyed the moments we had in the previous weeks. I really thought I liked him. I tried really hard to overcome some of those "things" which I wasnt really fond of. However, it usually only takes a few weeks and i click in to all the things and realize whats what. Glad its done. Actually im prob a bit more pissed about it than anything. Good sex, but hey, i have and can go without that again. I am sure there is more to life than sex. Shit, the past years I think I am almost in the running to become some sort of New Age Nun. I like black. I look good in a hat. Nah, i dont think i could be that quiet for long periods of time.

Went to wash the car today. Was going to be lazy and run it thru the automatic station.. it was closed. Damn, I didnt expect on my usual car wash manually technique. I didnt bring my gear to do the job properly. Oh well, just a quick job and away we go. Tonight, the car sits in the garage looking flash. Tomorrow the plan is to detail the inside. Such a good session for me when I do the car thing. I think it comes from my dad. We love our cars. In fact today I spoke to dad and he will be sending me a photo of the latest motor he built for his 63 Ford. Its a perfect father daughter relationship. Hes taught me heaps about vehicles. I think i learned early on that its almost like your own little counselling session. You just get so focused on the car that everything else seems to go away for a bit.

Im needed something at the moment. I seem to be very sentimental lately. Its grandma's bday this month. She is such a special person. I love her to bits. My little Marshmellow, I wish I was able to be with her. It's hard knowing shes getting older. I cherish so many moments with her.

Its Derek's bday as well. Derek was very special to me. He was a great influence and I will be forever thankful for all he taught me and for being in my life. Sometimes the world has a strange way of teaching people things. Derek taught my entire family alot. I miss him heaps and think of him always.

Its HG's bday too. Gosh another year. HG is so fantastic to me. He makes me smile, he makes me laugh. He loves his wildlife and teaches me heaps. He has this excitement about flora and fauna.. he gets you into it. Usually my coffee times include the latest updates on the wildlife in the backyard. And the flashlight fetish... ha, hes such a great friend. "How are you HG?"

Its also EF's bday. Party party party.

Firestick J is having a bday too this month. Currently her best friend (similiar to my Nick) is sitting in the hospital. Luckily, hes been moved from the spinal area last night. Shes taking it okay, but i think she may be in shock yet. He was the skipper on that nasty boat accident during the week which killed 6 people. The media is portraying things a bit twisted.. and no matter what, it hurts oh so deeply when something of the sort happens. My heart aches for her pain and confusion.

Its also Nicks bday this month. I hope hes doing well. Hes got some personal stuff going on which I am not sure if he will ever sort out. I miss him terribly. I miss the way he made me laugh, the way he looked at life, his recklessness for things. I miss his smile and hugs. I miss my friend.

I am looking for something to fill up this little void i have been feeling. Im not sure what it is. Maybe it will sort itself out tomorrow during the detailing of the car....