i dislike my emotions today

im feeling very blah. and yet very frustrated today.  I have this rage inside me today that just wants to let it all go... I want to go run from everything... yet theres really nothing to run from. Im just feeling a bit overwhelmed today I guess.

Maybe it doesnt help that:

-the job I for sure thought i aced and would get to the next level, doesnt want me... ?? wtf?
-my friend has been sentenced to at least 10 years in prison.. again... yep.. slow learner
-im frustrated with people in general
-i think the lack of disregard of other peoples space and all is a joke lately
-its school holidays here in Oz, so it appears as if no one is watching their children
-i had a kid throw a rock at me yesterday.... good upbringing... everything in power to not choke the little shit and his mother

so, nothing really extravagent.. just feel so *&(*&(*&(*&*()_)__ over everything... I just want to scream... I want to cry... I just want to hide.. I want to get in my car and crank the tunes as loud as they can go, and be on a road where no one else is driving...

Ive had enough for the day. Lets hope tomorrow is better. It certainly should be.

umpf

just one of those days today. Ive been thinking lots of my friend, and all that he must be going thru.  Hes doing dialysis 3 times a week... can you imagine how much that wears on you? He is such a beautiful soul, and hates to discuss how sick he is.  Always has. Even when we were in 9th grade.. never discussed it. And, for whatever reason, he still doesnt want to.  He had such hopes and dreams, and here he sits... on dialysis every other day. I love you my friend, there are not enough words to express my love for you.  We may not speak often, but you have always been with me. Always.  I hope you find it within yourself to get better, to get stronger... we all care so much about you, and certainly wish great things for you and your health.  Ah, my friend...

round 2

why is it that certain groups of people just cant seem to get out of the way at the bottom, or top, of the escalator? or the elevator? especially when they are use to groups of people in confined spaces? im not naming the origin of particular people, just always baffles me....

anyway, back to me..it was great to see the people I saw.. but didnt get to see everyone I wanted or intended to see. Oh well, only so much time, adn family priorities snuck their head in.... it was a bit difficult being home... what was once so normal to me all those years ago, just wasnt so normal anymore. it was a bit strange to really feel like a foreigner in my 'home country'.  For the first week, i kept touching the back of the toilet to flush it... almost feel down teh escalator... ya know.. walking to the left and all... I suppose it would be different if i was a true visitor there, as everything would be so new to you that you would be on your toes to all teh differences, but when thats originally where your from, adn most things look the same, but tweeked a bit to be different... it was odd. A few friends even noticed a blank look on my face if we were out together and i wasnt sure about something, they would just help me out or answer for me... adn then we would have a good giggle about it. 

It was nice to be home, see people, and be in the environment, but its feeling nice to know that im on my way home.. to my 'normal' surroundings and to what is all comfy & cozy to me again..and my own bed... oh i cant wait!

well, time to change clothes and chill for a bit before i make my way to the terminal for more sitting... and waiting! thank goodness mom told me about the lounge, certainly made my stop in LAX so much nicer to be at!  moms are so good... and soon I get to see mine again!!!!

photos to come later, when im actually at a spot where im not having to watch my purse, luggage, and time my pee breaks ! HAHAHHA.

nothing like killing time at an airport

Sitting at the airport, with another 4 hours to go before they will tell me if Im on the plane (beauty of standby) .. so ive paid to check into a lounge and chill out for awhile.. all good

im anxious to get home, to what I now know as normal. Dont get me wrong, Ive had a good time in the states, some better than others... but Im looking forward to being in my own comfortable environment again.. with my friends (whom I have chosen very carefully, and very dear to my heart) and resume life as normal - except for that damn Salt Mines of a JOB.. that Im not looking forward to so much. Interesting tho, with some very stressful situations that arose during my trip back to the states, my stomach acid didnt act up like it does when Im at work.. so, test results are in.. my job stresses me.. confirmed.

I got to see my biological father. Hard to see someone who you once saw as a strong man with a lot of energy and zest for life.. barely able to walk.... much less walk & carry any items of weight. He stopped drinking only days before I came, and that resulted in a seizure during our first visit.. thankfully, other people were around. Nothing like seeing your dad piss himself and not remember a damn thing... hard to see, adn yet, a part of me just wanted him to not be in pain anymore. gut wrenching. Ive done pretty good talking on the phone to him, but to see him in his situation was a bit too much... i spent as much time as i emotionally could with him. One day I had spent about 6 hours with him, before I just felt I had to escape.. I couldnt bare it anymore, and I was drained from holding back the tears. He was sweet, offered me a popsicle before i left.. couldnt do it.. it felt like I just had to run and escape the situation...and the guilt... oh goodness teh guilt and sorrow I feel. And no matter how many times people tell me to not have guilt... well, until your in that situation... dont tell me my feelings arent valid. I know its said with love & concern, but damn it... its my feelings. It hurts. Its got to... hes my dad.

Grandma is doing well. Although, when anyone asks, she makes it sound like shes on her death bed. But man, you wave the offer of food to her, or the Twins Baseball game, or the casino, and that 87 year old granny of mine will out run you... in fact, I had to slow her down on teh way to dinner one night, she just darted across the street, not looking for cars... YIKES! it was nice to spend time with her and just be. Wasnt real thrilled on watching the twins every night... I like baseball as much as I like cricket.. and neither of the two make my list of shit to watch.  BUT i did, to hang with grandma. Ive now discovered teh reason why I THINK the older ladies watch baseball.. after a few conversations with the older ladies... it seems to me that the outfits, most notably, the pants and the 'cute butt' are what keep those statistics up and people watching!  i heard one particular lady, who is 92, say that the pitcher was so good looking in his pants... I couldnt help but laugh out loud... grandma noticed me giggling...and promptly told her she would call her back later!  I learned grandma's trick for corn on the cob in the micro... always liked it when she made it for me... even as a kid.. just couldnt remember teh trick! baking paper... goodness. Got it now.  Shes doing well, but hard to see her get a bit older too... but somehow she will always remain in her 60's to me... so full of life, and her mind is so vivid yet, and she and I had some good conversations. Although, she talks over the news program... but I soon learned to listen to HER & the news ... but didnt dare speak during the Wheel of Fortune! I so wish she would have went on that show... she would have been rich... how she knows those phrases so quickly.... amazes me.  God love her... shes so special.

Alright... time for a pee break & smoke break... post another one later.

beforehand

so ive arrived in MN, and cant help but be amazed by all the green... the trees, the lawns, everything is so lush.  I had forgotten just how lush that mn green is. Gorgeous.  I also forgot how damn cute that MN accent is... although a few times I thought was somewhere in the Ozarks when listening to people, there have been a few times I couldnt help but chuckle at the accent.  Now I understand why jules gets that little girl giggle if I say a certain word... because this morning, the lady behind the counter was dressed in her Hilton Outfit... hair tied back, looking all professional and grown up. I asked a question, received an answer, and then she kept chatting.... and when she said the word BEFOREHAND, I had to stop myself from giggling... i cant describe how she said it, or what it sounded it like, but it was very enunciated and said in three parts.  Too cute.  So far, thats the top of my morning.  I havent headed out shopping yet.. teh damn shuttle only leaves at 10:20... its only 9 now...and Im ready to go. ugh.Anticipation....

So, Ive met with my ex.. you knew that right?  Its been alright.. although a few things have really tweaked my head. I guess you forgot sometimes how much you know about someone when you live with them.  We lived together for awhile, and apparently he still remembers some of my 'better qualities'.  When I walked in to the hotel room, about 5 minutes later he asks if its clean enough. I state 'yeah, dont you think so?" He replies with, "you used to always check the drain and tub for hair and how clean it is... do you still do that?'  Really, thats what he remembers about me.  We go out to dinner and have a mongolian bbq... and they serve you a chicken wing on a side plate as a standard part of your meal.  I offer mine to him, as its just not my thing.  He says to me, " you still dont like to eat things off the bone, huh? still just eat chicken breasts not wings ?" 

Oh the things people remember about you.  So basically, he remembers that hygiene is extremely important to me, and that Im not one of those people who will just gnaw into my food... more of a delicate sort of gal I guess.  Just thought it was funny the things you remember of people from your past.

Well, time for another coffee, and to try to put my 10 pounds of lollies for everyone into a different bag... and some other things in the luggage... it will be so nice to get to Gram's place and put my clothes out... and not ahve to dig for my stuff between the cords, the coffee, the shoes.... etc. 

Well, only an hour to go now before I get onto that shuttle to take me shopping! fingers crossed.... Im looking to shop til I drop!  I have to back here at the hotel until 430, so the plan of attack is to get there, grab a directory, grab some brekky, and sort out my stores.. however, all taht could change depending which store they drop me off at ... and Macy's is having a 30-80 percent off sale today only... :)  One happy Michele... wait, is there a Macy's there?

days to chill

i have arrived in LAX with my few days to chill, and suddenly tonight I look at the clock, and its time to head out tomorrow. I should really be in bed already, but thats not happening... oh well.  I have had a great time here in LAX just chilling out and catching up on sleep, recovering from jet lag.  My hotel was super clean, has a pool, free brekky, nice staff, and a Denny's connected to it. 

My first time to Dennys was like I had never walked into one before. The waiter came up to me 3 times to take my order.... will the photos it should have been simple to find something. But, I couldnt... I was engulfed in reading all the different options for my eating adventure.  There was a burger with : bacon, cheese, a sauce, 2 patties, lettuce, onion, etc... served with chips... and then there was the chicken drizzeled in some sauce, served with some veggies... sounds normal, but to read the descriptions while i looked at teh photos my stomach began to cramp thinking there was no way it was ready for american food yet. You know.. item A slapped with this and that and for an extra dollar amount i could it smothered in a variety of sauces, and it comes with options of salad or chips... it was all too much. In the end, I just choose a burger with bacon and cheese. Sounded simple. But, I did order cheese sauce for my chips! I couldnt finish it all.. and it seemed to worry my waiter.  In being fair, when I walked in I thought I had entered into a Overeaters Anonymous group.. holy shit.... massive people that evening;... maybe that helped in not wanting to finish my meal? certainly an experience.

my trip here was great. I made it on business class with Virgin Australia... felt like a princess. even had Richard Branson 3 seats away from me. Hows that for an escort? Nice huh? he was very friendly, and accomadated EVERYONE who asked him for a photo.. i reckon at least 100 people approached him.  Poor guy cant get a minute to himself really- except when he goes to the bathroom... which he seemed to escape to on a regular basis... fair enough.  Business class was amazing.. I had my own bed laid down, and the attendant made the bed for me.. complete with a little mattress thing, blanket and pajamas (which are really really comfy by the way).  The stars on the cabin ceiling in the evening were a nice touch. And the bar was a good spot to go and stand for a bit and catch up with a few people.  Only met one idiot who was a complete waste of space... he was cut off by the staff on the drinks, he was just obnoxious.. and babbled on and on about his girlfriend who works for virgin and got him a cheap ticket and she met Branson the night before and he was very jealous, so he was lingereing by the bar so taht he could meet him as well. somehow he has dual citizenship with america and canada and australia... hes from vancouver orginally but lives in brisbane.. dickhead. im sure his girlfriend is a winner too... if she still has a job after his incident on the plane.  Funny thing was, he was trying to brag to me and another guy at the bar who were on standby tickets too, so werent all that jealous... just glad we werent him!  He ended up interrupting bransons breakfast to introduce himself and made more of a dick of himself.  Felt bad that peolple couldnt just respect the businessman and let him enjoy a bit of brekky..but he was a champion, he said hello, let them say their peace...and then posed for a photo... all while the coffee went colder.

so tomorrow Im off to MN... let the next stage begin... Oh, and I cant get my hotmail to work all that great, so im not sending an email, but Im letting some important people in my life know something.. as great as your loyalty is, I watched 3 episodes tonight of True Blood... thank goodness for HBO in the hotel... and nothing else was on... so you can feel free to know that my pretty eyes have seen 1-3... so feel free to do your thing at The Haven..... and thanks for your loyalty.. but go ahead and watch it.. its good!  Hope your all well. Miss ya.

Oh, forgot.. the hotel room Im staying in was where Howard Huges and Jane Russell stayed when they filmed the movie The Outlaw.  Dont know when that was.. will have to research that a bit. But, the hotel is loaded with history of celebs from back when teh days of acting were actually acting.  Ive been having some weird dreams as well, and Im assuming thats due to some pretty good stories of history this hotel has seen.  Oh if the walls and the pool could talk! I wonder how many times Marilyn would have ventured here? Afterall, the hotel was built in 1953, so you can imagine what it would have been like in its hayday. 

alright.. i have to settle my bum and get to bed. Early start tomorrow, to linger in teh airport until my flight in the morning.  Such fun. My backpack is loaded with 10 bloody pounds of lollies for family...as my luggage was over the domestic limit... so i figure if it gets really bad, i can just break out the lollies. 

Oh, last thing.. i knew I was home when I heard a mother at the baggage carousel say to her child 'your really starting to piss me off, just shut up and settle down".... ah... parents who can control their children.. havent seen a lot of that in the few years in Australia... HAHAHA.  The airport wasnt riddled with unruly children acting up.. oh wait.. there was a few, but they were all tourists, and most probably off my Australian flight. LOL.

Night... sweet dreams.

Mixed Emotions... Sweet Emotions.... Who knows

So Im preparing to leave for my trip back to the USA soon. Its odd whats happening to my emotions.  Some times I feel all excited to go back and see everyone.  Some times I feel as if I dont want to leave HERE, its my HOME.. and all things over there feel so foreign to me.  I dont remember how to use the pump at the gas (not petrol....)station... I will be one of those people every one will be frustrated at while I figure it out again for the first time.  I will be the person saying, "No, I dont remember how to get to your house." And they get all upset having to give me directions again.  All I want to do is say to them.. "sorry, do you know how to get to my house?" No.. so be patient with me. Its not where I live anymore... its not my daily surroundings... please treat me with kindness. 

Which leads me to a whole 'nother side: the hestiation. When I call people 'back home' everyone is so busy.. so scattered trying to squeeze everything in. Will anyone just want to sit and chat? Or will they be too busy on their phones organizing tomorrow, all while Im still there.. waiting to converse with them?  All so busy, I wonder if anyone really , I MEAN REALLY, takes life in and appreciates it anymore?  Why do I say this? Because its normal American behavior... to be BUSY BUSY BUSY... and I USED to be like that... until I discovered that there is another side to life.. You can be busy.. but you also need to take time for the important things.... I've learned that since living here. And, not only have I learned that, but I have learned how to IMPLEMENT that into practice.

I am excited... Im thrilled to see a few people who Im anxiously waiting to see.  I almost get giddy when I think of seeing some of my family and my grandma... I feel like Im 5 years old again, the excitement running thru.  And, Im anxious to shop again.... just to wander... to try things on.. to purchase NON BEACH wear! 

Driving here there and everywhere is only happening for a few days.. for a few important things. Im okay with that.. it will be nice to see the country side of Good Ol Minnesota... I miss that scenery. 

Im going to meet a bunch of kids from a daycare centre who I have become a sort of penpal with.  Its a huge trek for me to do it (I know.. its only 3 hours from where Im staying.. but come on... its 3 there.. 3 back... a day there to visit.. so basically 2 bloody days out of my trip).

Many people have offered to come and visit me.. to COME TO ME.. wow! I have some great friends! The desire to catch up with them is unreal.... and it makes it so special for my short time home. 

So, Im excited... anxious... nervous... scared... and once I get over a few little possible bumps in my stay (thanks dad...) hoepfully all things will be good. Im sure it will....  its got to be.

But yeah, using the credit card machine is way different in different countries... getting use to walking on the OTHER side of the sidewalk again without running into people.... the petrol pump.. err... gas pump... going in to buy an item and not seeing anything that looks familiar... please be patient... Im home.. but oh such a foreigner....

huh

I had always hoped one day you would forgive me. Forgive me for shattering some of those dreams & aspirations of us. I never meant to hurt you.. but time & lives were all different then. They just were.

Im glad things have worked out the way they have. I love my life, and I hope you are happy living yours.  Its obvious we were meant to be together.. because the thought of living the life you lead just seems so restraining to me. Its not where I would want to be.. well esp now that I have seen the other side (grass is always greener, isnt it). I love my freedom, my ability to pack up & go.. my desire to do what I want, with minimal limitations set forth on me... and its okay that we lead different lives. No one said this would be easy.

Its okay that you have a complete different scene that what I do. Its okay that I enjoy my time, being selfish, running around all hours of the day... well into the evening. And, its okay, that you have the more settled family life. I just wish you werent so unhappy. I can hear it in your voice... your miserable. And for that, I am really sorry that you must live each day in some sort of agony of your choices. I have regret & sorrow for you that you havent learned how to be strong enough to stand up and do what is right for you... to take charge of your life... to make sure that you are happy, rather than what makes others happy... I was hoping you may have learned that by now... but no.

I only wish for you happiness.. in whatever form & way you may want. Because really, we should all be able to say that we lived our lives how we wanted too....and in a way which makes us feel whole.

Getting Older

There is a particular lady in my vicinity that lives in an "aged care facility".  She is usually seen hanging around the shopping complex nearby where we live.  Her attire is always intriguing - polka dots mixed with stripes, bold colors, layers upon layers of clothing... a bit eccentric lets say. Adding to the array of fashion disasters, is her bold red lipstick which is placed about 2 inches around her lip outline. She definitely stands out.

Her name is Elizabeth, and most people know OF her.  She is usually sitting on the bench, asking someone if they could spare a stamp, or if she sizes you up correctly, asking you if you could spare a smoke for her. Shes harmless, and seems to enjoy her moments in life.

Not too many people stop and say hello, due to her 'colorful' clothes, or the fact that random stranger sitting there seems harmless.. but most dont give her the time of day. But, everyone is aware of Elizabeth - they know her name, and where she lives, and everyone knows shes going to ask you to spare something.

I always say "hello Elizabeth" as to which the standard reply, "do you have a spare smoke ( or stamp)?"  I usually tell her no, but somedays I do give her a smoke... probably out of just being nice, or guilt, or that I feel a bit sorry for her.  Im not sure which really.

The other day, after seeing her for many days in a row, I said, "hello Elizabeth" and she responded with, 'I'm sorry, I have forgotten your name, do I know you?"  I told her my name, and that I live in the area, and she acknowledged me, and we began chatting.

She told me how when she was 12 her sister & parents moved from England to come to Australia. They guaranteed her dad would have a job when he arrived off the boat.  They set sail for a promise of a new job, and new beginnings.  You can imagine the turmoil when there wasnt any jobs for her dad after arriving in Australia.  Eventually, he took a job 'with an American company' she tells me 'NCR, you know, National Cash Register' which of course I did know (being American and all!). She proceeded to tell me snippits of her life and it was nice to hear her revel in some memories. Some good, some not so good. She asked a little bit about me, my family, and was curious as to why I didnt have any children (she has none either). 

After about an hour, I had to leave to get on my stuff, and she had to leave to make it back to the aged care facility for dinner. She asked me if I could spare a smoke (I know.. imagine that!) and I asked if she was allowed to smoke.. she said yes.. to which I responded, well, if you arent, you didnt get them from me Elizabeth.." She giggled, as if she was the 12 year old girl she was only reminiscing about earlier to me.  I handed her a few smokes, said goodbye, and off we went, each to our own lives.

It was neat to share for a moment with someone, almost a stranger, and yet such a familiar face. To make someones day by chatting away, asking how they were.... I guess I didnt realize how much it would make my day as well.

Thirty. 30 . ten times 3

A friend turned 30 yesterday. And, with all my years of experience ... I told her that the best advice I could give her was something along the lines of:


When your in your 20s people expect you to make mistakes. They forgive you.  People believe that you are in the stages of your life that you are still learning from your lessons, and still able to have a bit of fun.

When your in your 30s... well, people expect you to stand up for the person that you have become. They will become to know the real you. Your morals, ideals, etc.  And, if you want to be the person who is shy & stands below all and not speak your mind.. .this is the time to do it... you are setting in motion the rest of your life. However, if you are a person who wants to speak what they say, stand up for oneself & others, then you must, as people will come to expect you to react & act in a certain way from here on out... depending how you are in your 30s.

This is the time to shine. This is the time to make your life happen. To enjoy the roses along the way, to have the fun & good times (with more smarts than previously! HAHA) and to sculpt your life & world to your desires.

So, that was my advice to her.  What advice would you give her?

My first blogger award!

Thanks Food Mazaa for my award! Everytime I head to her page, I end up so hungry looking at the photos... and BEST YET, is the recipes are listed... so you can make it at home too!

Check it out: http://foodmazaa.blogspot.com/

Hurry up to wait

I have made plans to head back home for a few short weeks in the MN summer. Im anxious, excited, ready to shop, dreading certian things, thrilled to catch up with some, cringing that I have to catch up with other, and hoping and praying that I can keep my tact enough in tact to not say anything stooopid to particular people. 

The thrill of seeing some of my family & friends is overwhelming. To hold them and hug them again is going to be great.  And to hear their stories, and chat like we just saw each other yesterday is the love of the familiar and comfy-ness that I so love.  To kick back and actually spend time with them. To hear them laugh, cry, giggle, and just BE. To get ready to venture out for a night on the town, get all dalled up, and have a great time... just like the old days (without most of the shit).

Then sets in the achy-ness of knowing that there are going to be those moments with some people where I will have the urge to want to back hand them. I know its wrong, but sometimes I just cant handle the mundane and ignorant parts of it all. And, I SHOULD really be nice... and then I think.. honey, Im only here for a little over 2 weeks, do you really think I care that _______ happened, or that you have ____________ to your _________________?  No. But thanks, glad I spent all that money & time & MY HOLIDAY to come here to listen to your shit forever, all while you ask me NOTHING about me. Yeah, good times people. Good freaking times.

But, its what you do. Right? You have certain people high on the list, certain people low on the list.

Theres also this part of me that just wants to play up a bit.... I mean Im back home, in my environment and yet such a stranger to everything that I once knew as normal.  I can walk into my old life, play up, met with certain friends, and then walk away from it again - tuck it in a bag until my next trip home.... all my own little secrets for just me.

Then there is the shopping, the outlet stores, the cheap yet gorgeous clothes. Oh, how I love to go shopping there... and yet I hate doing it here.

So much fun & adventures to be had. And, yet, the time isnt here yet, and already I feel as if Im not going to be able to do everything I want, see everyone I want.. etc.

Maybe so much of this stems from the fact that there are just certain people who cant be pleased, and I know that Im going to disappoint them. I need to get over that.

Also, its the first time going back home as a Permanent Resident here. Which means, that Im legally, forever, entitled to come back HERE ..... which means that I dont nec have to look as THAT home as the 'what if' option anymore. 

Ah who knows. Maybe Ive just had too much Vitamin C this evening. Yeah we will go with that.

Now there's an idea!

Wow.. someone finally comes out and tells us how it is and should be! I love it!  No more ignorance, no more stooooopidity, no more of this shit! Hooray!  I absolutely LOVE this poster!

opps

so i was supp to be here, and writing to all of you in blog world (all 5 of you that regularly read).. adn I just lost my blog enthusiasm~ maybe because suddenly a large amount of blogs that I normally read or wander thru have turned into some sort of babies thing... nothing against kids or little babies.. but to hear about someone lactating or oozing out creme like substance from their navel... its not for me.  To top it off, I was saddened that somewhere along the line goes another one... you know.. cuz they have kids now, they will be hanging with the kids sections..... and the blogs will become kids only, and kid friendly, and other mothers will be on there, and kids photos will now be precedent... you get the idea.


Then ... you know when friends say "when I start dating, I will never be one of those friends who goes and abandons all their friends for a guy."  Its happened. Again. And it makes me cringe that its happening. Nothing you can do.... just sit back and watch your friend be whisked away.. Im not jealous, serious. But when every waking moment is inundated with HIM... and the only time said friend is available is when HE is working or hanging with the boys or visiting his parents for the weekend... suddenly, your on the list of 'see-ables'. Shits me. And to be honest, Im contemplating the idea of ditching the friend all together. Ive had enough of this shit.

Actually, Ive had enough of most of the shit. Im tired of peoples crap.... Over It Honey. So there you go, thats why I havent written.  Give me a few more days... I will be back in action... just waiting for life to play this game with me, rather than against me.

Hairy Toes

As a female, I hate looking down at peoples feet and seeing hair on their toes... everyone.. but ESPECIALLY women. Its gross. Even if its blonde hair, you can see the hair bush blowing in the wind.. ewww. Ick. Nasty. Not acceptable people.  Ever.

I shave my toes just to make sure Im not in that ewww Ick Nasty Not acceptable phase... in fact, if I had to pick just one of the next tasks before heading out in public with my feet showing (ex: wearing thongs/sandals) I woul rather have clean shaven toes before toe nail polish. Simply, no matter how pretty your toenails are painted, if you have the hairy toe monster showing, its gross ~ ewwww Ick Nasty Not acceptable!

Anyway, I woke up this morning in sheer panic.  I had a dream that I had long toe hair. First thing I did this morning while having a coffee was to inspect my toes and make sure they were hair free.

Whew!  Good to know it was only a nightmare and not a case of real life incidents~!  Dont forget to shave people... no one likes to braid your toes.

The Weekend

The weekend is slowly... SLOWLY approaching! And Im highly looking forward to it. Not much planned, actually nothing is in concrete. Im hoping its kind of the weekend where I can just do as I wish or not do as Im expected, more to the point.

I have a few possibilities of working... as in my new business which Im hoping will take off and be very profitable. But, like anything, I go gung-ho into it, and so want it to work.. the passion takes over.... and Im looking forward to a successful business, but it takes work, and hard work.. lots of effort. And after working all week, and then trying to things during the 'down time' in the evenings, and then bits here and there on the weekend... and it has to be done. Nothing successful was ever gained & retained by it just lumping itself in your lap.

My ideal plans for the weekend, might include going ice skating before they close up the rink and return it to its normal roller skate arena.. and I think I might rent the entire season 1 & 2 of Big Bang Theory and lock everyone out for the weekend.  In between moping, laundry, etc....

Whats your plans for the weekend? Are you filled to the max with appointments, schedules, running here & there or are you going to rejuvenate a bit and chill out like me?

Oh my

I dont eat broccoli.  Just not my thing. And, now I know why... did you know it gives you gas? And not quiet little farts either...

Next time I pass on the broccoli on my pizza, along with the mushrooms too.

Ewww. Gross

I live in an area where my neighbors & I are very close.  Sometimes you can hear all sorts of things you would rather not. Then again, my neighborhood is also very quiet... after 7 pm you swear you were in a morgue arena... not a sound to be heard, except for the rare occasion.

BUT

There is something so foul & disgusting to me to hear my neighbor walk out of his house in the morning, into his courtyard (oh by the way, these are the neighbors that bang the doors, scream, .... and then have a go at anyone who makes a sneeze)... so he walks into his courtyard, and clips his toenails. Do you know how disgusting it is to have your morning coffee and listen to someone clip thier toenails?  It makes me wonder, does he just leave them outside?  If he takes them in, why would he not just clip his toenails inside?

Ick.

communication breakdown

Ya'll know that song right? Communication Breakdown.... by Led Zepplin?  Well, that seems to be my last few days...it somewhat seems, that no matter who it is, either Im not communicating properly, or Im misunderstanding... and lets just say, not a good situation when 'just getting to know someone new'.... so we ended up having a 'non argument' according to him... and I spent the rest of the conversation trying to not dig my hole any deeper. Then it just continued... at work, at home, with everyone....

fuck my head hurts.... and Im REALLY not sure if its me or everyone else? Seriously.

who wants to come for dinner?

Im really wanting to BBQ... on my weber. Ive been craving the taste of bbq'd food on a weber lately.. and as soon as Im done with this recent task which is keeping me from bbq'n... it will be done. In fact, I can taste that charcoal taste on chicken with some green beans, corn & potatoes... damn... my mouth is watering~

It feels like Im running here, skipping there, and trying to sit my ass still for a moment isnt working. So.. this weekend hopefully looks to be calm... yeah right.

Doesnt it shit you when your friends do some really stupid shit... and all you can do is just shake your head?

Or, you know those moments at work when you give some business advice (being the only one with ANY experience or knowledge) and no one wants to listen.... doesnt that just erk ya?  Oh well, its like slowly watchin an ant run into the ant killer on the cardboard tear off isnt it?

Well, apologies for being slack in my blog. I just dont have the oompf at the moment. And, Im not really in one spot either, so tis been a bit difficult. ..... but the beginning of the month is near, and new beginnings are always good.

Happy Valentines Day.  May your day, as every other day, be filled with love.

Winters Bone

OMG.. what a fantastic movie.  Previously having read the book, I was very excited to see what the movie would present itself as.  I was amazed at how 'true to the book' it was.

Definitely, if you see one movie, this year, THIS IS THE ONE. Its gritty look at life, the realism of peoples faces, and the lack of Hollywood insprired plots & designs captivates every emotion in your body.

You can not help but fall into this movie.

Wouldnt you know it?

My cat eats anything I eat. Even butter.  Strange, I know. But, thats how all my cats have been... well not the butter part, but eating whatever I may eat. Back in the day, when Fudge-sicles were my favorite... my beloved Tabby use to like his own ... yep.. his OWN.

Now, Little Miss likes to eat Spam... you know that stuff that 50% of the world hate, but if your from MN, you eat it.. cuz you grew up with it.. and its such a versatile 'meat' product that when on a tight budget, you can make SO many meals to it... yep... Spam.

Well, I didnt realize I have to share it.. but I do.. with my precious Little Miss. Gotta love her. At least, her breath doesnt smell of tuna (at the moment anyway).

You frustrate Me

I want to scream at you because your frustrating me to no end.  You make all these excuses and then I am supp to deal with it. You have become a person for whom I can not pity... it just seems so hypocritical of all things you once used to say.  You need to find something better to do with your time.

What would you think if I used all your excuses?  What would you think if I told you all these things? Oh wait, I have.... and then you tell me your sorry.. .and then 3 weeks later.. your back to your same shit.

Fuck you. Fuck off.

I dont need it.  I dont want it. And, its unfair.. .yes... UNFAIR what you are doing and how you are acting.

Fuck you .  Fuck.... .OFF.

Fuel Gauge Running Low

Wow.. seems like i am just running from here to there to everywhere lately.  With the massive flood drama to having company for a solid month.. seems like life is just running me ragged.  And, today, I am 100% exhausted.  No rest ahead either. Not for at least another week.... this morning I actually woke up late for work... as in I woke up when I should have been driving out the complex... Damn. Damn. Damn.

Oh, what's a girl to do..... looking very forward to having a few days of quiet 'me' time ... with the Cat.  My poor Little Miss just looks at me and thinks.. 'who the hell are you"  yesterday I saw here for a total of 35 minutes and that includes the time I came home from work, switched clothes and headed out the door again.... and then back in... to go to bed.  Im so looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow. Hooray. Its saturday tomorrow... oh what a lovely ring that has to it.